After reading the article ‘Disconnection in the Hyperconnected Age’ …

After reading the article ‘Disconnection in the Hyperconnected Age’ …

 

 

 

‘Disconnection in the Hyperconnected Age.’  ‘When walking through an apartment complex, it's easy to spot playgrounds where there are more adults watching than children playing.  These are adults who are fully prepared for the possibility that a child might fight or get hurt.  As I read American social psychologist Jonathan Haidt's The Coddling of the American Mind, I was reminded of this common neighborhood scene.  The Coddling of the American Mind analyzes how 'overprotection' in the real world and 'underprotection' in the online world are making children sick.  In a playground, a child who wanted to ride the swing first, after losing their turn, looks up at their father, crying.  The father rushes over.  The conflict is resolved, the play order is set again, and reconciliation takes place in five minutes.  While this scene may seem fine at first glance, it hides the harmful effects of intensive parenting.  This is because it disrupts the child's natural growth, which should involve developing curiosity and independence through autonomous play, and learning how to resolve conflicts with peers.  Haidt says, 'Just like a young tree needs wind to grow properly,' wind may bend the tree, but within it, the tree's cells become stronger to withstand the pressure, and its roots grow deeper.  This implies that a slight amount of stress should be applied to parenting, following the anti-fragility theory, which suggests that small amounts of stress actually enhance resilience.  In fact, the most troubling scene I observed at the playground was that all the adults were looking at their smartphones until they heard the sound of a child crying.  I believe this is at the core of underprotection in the online world.  The problem is the same with adults' brains.  In the U.S., a law was passed in 13 states to limit children's social media use.  France is considering a bill that would ban smartphone use for children under 13, and Australia is pushing for a law that would prohibit social media accounts for those under 16.  This is due to the worsening mental health of children compared to the past.  The overly connected 'age of communication' has been replaced by the 'age of suffering.'  The 'age of reading minds' has passed, and the 'age of misreading' has arrived.  Smartphones have become the sixth finger for children.  What is urgent for them now is to separate from excessive IT devices.  Disconnection in the hyperconnected era seems to be the key to healthy parenting [Source:   https://www.chosun.com/opinion/specialist_column/2025/03/15/TOAJFT2EQFEHPPHAYMOLIFXLVE/].

 

            I read and reread this article, and the first thing that caught my attention was the title ‘Disconnection in the Hyperconnected Age’.

 

Perhaps the reason is that I also believe 'disconnection' is necessary in this 'hyperconnected age.'  Of course, the author of this article, novelist Young-ok Baek, refers to 'disconnection' as 'separating from excessive IT devices,' but I would like to think about 'separating children from parents who love them excessively (overloving), especially mothers [‘Helicopter parents’ refers to parents who hover over their children like a helicopter, interfering in every aspect of their lives.  The interference with the child, which starts from the good intention of wanting them to see only good things, eat only good things, and grow up well, can go beyond careful protection and excessive consideration, leading to 'overprotection.'  Parents who excessively overprotect their children may be driven by educational ignorance, anxiety, immaturity, and a lack of confidence in their child-rearing abilities].  There may also be a psychological tendency to feel disappointed with one's spouse due to an unhappy marital relationship and seek compensation for that disappointment from the child.  Psychological experts believe that the decisive factor behind overprotection is the parent's 'emotional attitude.'  Parents who overprotect tend to feel that they must know everything about their child, be the emotionally closest person to them, and control every aspect of their child's life.  Children are not extensions or possessions of their parents, but helicopter moms are characterized by a strong tendency to monopolize their children. Is this really love? (Internet).  Of course, I am not saying that over-loving parents should cut off (disconnect from) their relationship with their children.  Rather, what I want to say is that if there is a mix of love and resentment in the child's heart due to over-loving parents, that dependent relationship should be severed.

 

The reasons are listed as seven points on the internet (Internet): (1) Because the child may lose confidence in their own choices and decisions due to their parent's dependence, (2) Because the child may excessively worry about their parent's emotions or stress, feeling burdened by it, (3) Because parental dependence can reduce the child's self-esteem, (4) Because the child may create emotional distance from the parent, leading to communication difficulties, (5) Because the child may express negative emotions due to confusion about both loving and being dependent on the parent, (6) Because the child may lose motivation for academics or career, or their ability to achieve may decrease, (7) Because the child may have difficulty performing developmental tasks appropriate for their age.  When I think about these seven reasons, I agree a lot with the points that a child may lose confidence due to parental dependence, and that self-esteem and achievement abilities can decrease.  I also believe that a child can love their parents while simultaneously harboring feelings of hatred.  I believe that this parent-child relationship, characterized by both love and resentment, is not a healthy relationship, and in fact, it is even a pathological one.

 

 Then why do parents become dependent on their children?  The reasons are listed as seven points in the same internet article (Internet): (1) Because parents may seek comfort and affection from their children when they feel emotional emptiness in their marital relationship, (2) Because parents may try to use their children as mediators when they lack the ability to resolve marital or other conflicts, (3) Because life changes, such as empty nest syndrome or the midlife crisis, may lead parents to rely on their children to cope, (4) Because a tendency to overly protect their children may lead to dependence, (5) Because parents may try to find stability in their children when they feel confused about their own identity or life direction, (6) Because parents may want to equate their children’s success with their own success to fulfill their desires for self-worth and achievement, (7) Because parents may try to alleviate work or social stress through interactions with their children.  When I think about these seven reasons, I believe that parents may seek comfort and affection from their children when they feel emotional emptiness in their marital relationship.  In other words, I think one of the main reasons parents become dependent on their children is because of issues in their marital relationship.  For example, if a wife is dissatisfied with her relationship with her husband, she may seek that satisfaction from her child, which can lead to the risk of over-loving and over-protecting the child.  This kind of dependent relationship between parents and children must be severed.

 

How can we sever the dependent relationship between parents and children?  How can children enjoy freedom from the love-hate relationship with their parents?  Here is a verse from John 8:32: “Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”  Only our Lord Jesus Christ, who is the truth (John 14:6), can free parents who are dependent or children who have a love-hate relationship.  Through the word of truth and the power of God (2 Corinthians 6:7, Modern Bible), the Lord can set both parents and children free.  As a result, freed parents will no longer depend on their children but will trust only in God, and freed children will no longer be trapped in a love-hate relationship with their parents, but instead will love their parents with the Lord's love.  I long for this grace of restored relationships.

 

Second, as I read and reread the article 'Disconnection in the Hyperconnected Age,' I became interested in how children, who are 'overprotected' by their parents and 'underprotected' in the online world, are becoming sick due to these circumstances in the 'Anxiety Generation.'

 

I think children are anxious.  In other words, I think children are sick with anxiety.  It is said that anxiety symptoms in children are much more common than people think.  It is said that 1 in 14 children suffer from anxiety symptoms.  In other words, the stress or fear that children feel in their daily lives can be serious enough to interfere with their daily lives (Internet).  I think the biggest cause is anxious parents.  In other words, if the parents have anxiety disorders, their children can also have anxiety disorders (Internet).

 

Researchers from the Nova Scotia Health Authority (NSHA) in Halifax, Canada, conducted a study on 221 mothers, 237 fathers, and their 398 children to investigate how parental anxiety affects children.  The researchers diagnosed the level of anxiety in both parents and children through interviews, and they analyzed the relationship between parental anxiety disorders and children's anxiety disorders using logistic regression.  The results showed that anxious mothers were more likely to transfer their anxiety to their daughters, and anxious fathers were more likely to transfer their anxiety to their sons.  However, the likelihood of a mother's anxiety being transferred to a son, or a father's anxiety being transferred to a daughter, was low.  On the other hand, anxiety disorders refer to mental illnesses characterized by experiencing anxiety without reason, or excessive anxiety that causes various physical and mental symptoms.  Common examples include panic disorder, generalized anxiety disorder, and phobias.  Anxiety disorders are categorized into five types based on symptoms: 'generalized anxiety disorder,' where a person feels constantly anxious without reason; 'panic disorder,' where a person feels like they are going to die due to sudden anxiety; 'phobia,' where a person has extreme fear of specific situations or objects; 'obsessive-compulsive disorder,' where a person repeatedly engages in certain thoughts or behaviors due to anxiety; and 'post-traumatic stress disorder,' where a person experiences excessive anxiety after re-experiencing a traumatic event.  Among these, the most common disorder is 'generalized anxiety disorder' (Internet).

 

Im-sook Lee, who has counseled parents and children for over 30,000 hours during the past 20 years, says that many parents are shaken by their own anxiety and the interference of others, and the more they are shaken, the harder it is for their children.  Why are parents so anxious? … They often lose their way amidst too much information.  They search through parenting forums, watch videos, ask other mothers in groups, and flip through parenting books.  But since the guidelines are not consistent, it becomes easy to lose direction.  The reason parents are shaken is paradoxically because their love for their children is so great.  In trying to do everything that others say is good, they eventually lose their way and become confused.  Raising children makes them anxious, and they feel uncertain about whether they are doing it well (Internet).  Parents need to maintain their center.  If parents cannot maintain their center and, out of anxiety, try their best to love their children, what will happen to those children?  It could possibly be the worst thing for them.

 

Third and last, as I read and reread the article 'Disconnection in the Hyperconnected Age,' I became interested in the phrase 'For a young tree to grow properly, it must have wind.'

 

This statement, made by American social psychologist Jonathan Haidt, is explained by novelist Young-ok Baek, who says, 'The wind makes the tree bend, but inside, the tree's cells become stronger from withstanding the pressure, and the roots grow deeper.  This means that a little stress should be applied to parenting to increase resilience, which is the concept of the antifragile theory' (Internet).  Here, 'antifragile' is a theory proposed by Nassim Nicholas Taleb in his book Antifragile, which refers to the phenomenon of overcoming shocks from uncertainty and change, and growing and developing even stronger from them (Internet).  Although this is a theory I encountered for the first time, I find it an interesting concept in the context of child-rearing.  In particular, I find the statement by Young-ok Baek, 'The wind makes the tree bend, but inside, the tree's cells become stronger from withstanding the pressure, and the roots grow deeper,' to be intriguing.

 

We must allow children to do things on their own and experience mistakes and failures, rather than raising them like 'a flower in a greenhouse.'  The reason for this is that children learn through mistakes.  Therefore, even if they make mistakes or their results do not meet parents expectations, parents should not do things for them but should encourage them to find better ways (Internet).  I believe it is crucial for children to become stronger and have deeper roots through the various 'winds' in their lives.  Over 20 years ago, men used to propose to women by saying, 'I’ll make sure you don’t get a drop of water on your hands!'  Nowadays, in similar situations, they say, 'I hope you only walk on the flower path!'  But can we really live without getting even a drop of water on our hands?  And can we always walk the flower path?  In life, while there are good things, we may also experience unexpected events.  For ourselves, we need to get our hands dirty, and when we serve others, we may need to dip not only our hands but also our feet into the water.  However, I believe that life becomes richer when we experience that such situations can bring more happiness and goodness.  And we should be able to walk the path even when rain falls and wind blows with the changing seasons.  What is important is that, no matter which path we walk, we must overcome it, and through this process, children grow—parents need to realize this with the wisdom of parenting (Internet).

 

Therefore, I believe that even our children, like the foolish Jonah, must experience a 'great wind,' 'great storm,' 'great wave,' or 'great flood' (Jonah 1:4; 2:3, Modern Korean Translation) in their lives due to disobedience to God's word.  Even if they feel as though they have descended to the depths of the sea, they must learn to long for and hope in God in the midst of despair and hopelessness.  I believe that they must know that Jesus Christ is the foundation, and deeply root themselves in Him, building their lives on the foundation of Jesus Christ.  As they have been taught, they must stand firm in their faith and live a life overflowing with gratitude (Colossians 2:7, Modern Korean Translation).  Parents must raise their children with wisdom and faith, ensuring that they are firmly rooted in their faith.  In this reality, where it is very difficult to raise children according to God's word, we parents must stand firm in faith, not swaying to the left or right, and setting aside our own desires.  We must dedicate our children to God and raise them in faith.  Without faith, we can never please God in raising our children (Hebrews 11:6).Top of Form

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