"자녀를 건강한 아이로 키우려면? 부모 자신부터 감정 다스려라 부모의 감정이 무엇보다 자녀의 감정에 큰 영향을 미친다 / 셔터스톡 부모라면 자녀의 감정을 존중하는 것의 중요성에 대해 들어봤을 것이다. 하지만 부모인 당신의 감정은 어떠한가? 임상 사회 복지사이자 심리 치료사인 힐러리 제이콥스 헨델과 심리학자이자 양육 교육자인 줄리 프라가 박사는 신간, 『부모도 감정이 있다(Parents Have Feelings, Too)』에서 통념을 뒤집었다. 즉, 정서적으로 건강한 아이를 양육할 수 있도록 하기 위해선 먼저 부모 자신의 감정을 다스릴 줄 알아야 한다는 것이 핵심 메시지다. 이들이 부모들에게 어떤 조언을 했는지 CNN과 함께 알아본다. 부모에게 가장 중요한 감정, '분노' 헨델은 부모가 다뤄야 할 6가지 핵심 감정으로 ▲분노 ▲슬픔 ▲두려움 ▲혐오 ▲기쁨 ▲흥분을 꼽았다. 그러면서 ‘분노’를 가장 중요한 핵심 감정으로 보았다. 그녀는 “분노는 파괴적인 잠재력을 가지고 있기 때문에 사람들을 곤경에 빠뜨리는 감정이며, 그래서 우리는 대개 그것을 묻어버린다. 그런데 이때 분노는 안으로 폭발하여 우울, 죄책감, 불안, 수치심으로 나타날 수 있다. 혹은 밖으로 폭발하여 공격성으로 표출될 수 있다.”고 설명했다. 중요한 것은 분노를 ‘행동’으로 옮기지 않고 ‘경험’하는 방법을 배우는 것이다. 이는 분노에 이름을 붙이고, 신체에서 어떻게 느껴지는지 알아차리고, 그 순간의 충동이 무엇인지를 인식하며, 궁극적으로는 그 에너지를 방출하는 것을 포함하는 내면의 과정이다. 이에 더해 헨델은 분노를 두 개의 분리된 단계로 이해할 필요성을 말했다. 분노를 경험하는 내적인 과정과 스스로와 가족에게 건설적인 방식으로 분노를 표현하는 외적인 과정이 그것이다. 한편, 프라가 박사는 엄마와 달리, 아빠들의 경우 ‘분노’라는 감정처리에 더욱 익숙하지 않다고 지적했다. 하지만 아빠들...
“Good news of great joy that will be for all the people.”
“Now there were shepherds in that region keeping watch over their flock by night. And an angel of the Lord stood before them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were greatly afraid. But the angel said to them, ‘Do not be afraid. For behold, I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people. For today in the town of David there has been born for you a Savior, who is Christ the Lord. And this will be a sign for you: you will find a baby wrapped in swaddling cloths and lying in a manger.’” (Luke 2:8–12). I meditate on this passage and seek the lessons it gives:
(1) When I meditate on this passage I focus on the “good news of great joy that will be for all the people” (v. 10) which the “angel of the Lord” (Luke 2:9) — the “angel” (v. 10) — announced to the “shepherds” who were “keeping watch over their flock by night” (v. 8, Modern English Version).
(a) The first thing that drew my attention is that the phrase “good news” (v. 10) already appears in Luke 1:19 where the angel Gabriel spoke to Zechariah the priest: “The angel answered and said, ‘I am Gabriel who stands in the presence of God; I was sent to speak to you and to bring you this good news.’”
(i) There, the “good news” Gabriel brought to Zechariah was that “your wife Elizabeth will bear you a son, and you will call his name John” (v. 13). And Gabriel said that this “good news” would make Zechariah rejoice and be glad, and that many people would rejoice at John’s birth (v. 14).
• The reason is that John would be great in the sight of the Lord, and from his mother’s womb he would be filled with the Holy Spirit and would turn many of the children of Israel to their Lord God (vv. 15–16, Modern English Version).
(2) As I meditated on this, Daniel 12:3 came to mind: “Those who are wise will shine like the brightness of the heavens, and those who turn many to righteousness like the stars forever and ever.” This is because, just as John the Baptist would turn many Israelites back to the Lord (as above), so the wise person will turn many to the right way.
(a) This verse is personally very meaningful to me because when my father gave me the name “Ji-won,” he intended the Chinese-character meaning “ji” (wisdom) and “won” (first, chief), and he has also held on to Daniel 12:3 in prayer for me.
(i) Like the Word that “the wise will shine like the brightness of the heavens,” my prayer and desire is to be a pastor who brings the light of Jesus Christ into this dark world so that many will be turned to the Lord.
• I want to radiate the light of Jesus — the love of Christ and the light of the Gospel — brightly into this dark world. I long to shine the light of the Lord’s salvation into the world. I earnestly pray for the grace and blessing to be raised up and used as one who shines the light of Jesus Christ like the brightness of the heavens, like the stars of heaven forever.
(3) When I meditate on this passage I also remember the three parables Jesus told in Luke 15 — the parable of the lost sheep (15:3–7), the lost coin (8–10), and the prodigal son (11–32) — and I think of the joy when the lost sheep is found, the joy when the lost coin is found, and the joy when the lost son returns to his father:
(a) “I tell you, in the same way there will be more joy in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who need no repentance.” (v. 7).
(b) “And when she finds it, she calls her friends and neighbors together and says, ‘Rejoice with me; I have found my lost coin.’ In the same way, I tell you, there is joy in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner who repents.” (vv. 9–10, Modern English Version).
(c) “But the father said to his servants, ‘Quick! Bring the best robe and put it on him; put a ring on his hand and sandals on his feet. … For this my son was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.’ And they began to celebrate.” … “This my son was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found, and we must celebrate and be glad.” (vv. 24, 32).
(i) Ultimately, the “good news” (1:19) is that, through the birth of John the Baptist — the voice crying in the wilderness to prepare the way of the Lord (3:4) (see 1:13) — many lost people of Israel would be turned back to their Lord God (v. 16, Modern English Version).
(4) The “good news of great joy that will be for all the people” (Luke 2:10), which the angel announced to the shepherds who were keeping watch by night (v. 8, Modern English Version), is precisely: “Today in the town of David there has been born for you a Savior, who is Christ the Lord” (v. 11). In other words, the “good news of great joy” is the birth of the Christ-Savior.
(a) The Greek word for “Savior” (σωτήρ) appears relatively rarely in the New Testament and is used mainly by Luke and Paul (Acts 5:31; Eph. 5:23; 2 Tim. 1:10). It connects with Old Testament expressions of God as Savior (Luke 1:47; 2 Samuel 22:3; Psalm 49:26) and signifies that Jesus came to save a world and humanity mired in sin (Hoekma).
(b) The word “Christ” (Greek: Christos) means “anointed one” (Hebrew: Messiah). Who is anointed? Kings, prophets, and priests. Thus to call Jesus “the Christ” means that he is the King of kings, the Prophet, and the High Priest.
(c) The term “Lord” here signifies that Jesus exercises control over us, that he is our authority, and that he is present with us (cf. John Frame).
(i) Therefore the declaration that Jesus is “Christ the Lord” (Luke 2:11) means that the one who saves us from our sins is the King of kings who rules over us, the Prophet who speaks authoritative word to us, and the High Priest who comes to us.
• The reason that the birth of the “Savior,” the “Christ the Lord,” in “the town of David” for “you” (v. 11) is proclaimed as the “good news of great joy that will be for all the people” (v. 10) is because the baby Jesus wrapped in swaddling cloths and lying in a manger (v. 12) would — about thirty-three years later — be crucified to atone for our sins, so that through his death we receive forgiveness of sins and eternal life.
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