A Family that Praises God the Father with a Grateful Heart (5) (Colossians 3:18-21)

A Family that Praises God the Father with a Grateful Heart (5)

[Colossians 3:18-21]

Thirdly, God tells His children to ‘obey their parents in the Lord in everything.’

Colossians 3:20 says: “Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord.” On May 11, 2021, I read an article titled ‘Soh-Young Noh’s Regret: Following Parents’ Wishes Makes You Like Me’ which caught my attention. The article included this content: ‘… Director Noh mentioned to acquaintances that he was sorry for things like his mother Kim’s behavior of restricting your freedom and confining you to the house, making you wait for a husband who did not come, insisting that a woman's happiness comes first through family, and that your happiness was sacrificed to my selfishness.’ Director Noh continued, ‘If you follow your parents’ wishes, you become like me. I want to let all young people know this’ (Internet). Reading this article made me seriously consider the implications, and I wrote my own reflections on the matter in a piece titled ‘Noh Soh-Young’s Face Crumbling, and the Father Who Endured with Patience’ (https://blog.naver.com/kdicaprio74/222549549958). The phrase from the article that made me think about whether we should reconsider something is ‘If you follow your parents’ wishes, you become like me.’ The concern with this statement is that while the Bible clearly says, “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right” (Eph. 6:1), Director Noh is suggesting that ‘If you follow your parents’ wishes, you become like me.’ If asked, most of us would naturally say that we should follow the Bible’s teachings. However, I believe it is also important to reflect carefully on what Director Noh has said in light of Scripture. In other words, while we should obey our parents as per God’s command, we need to consider both the biblical directive to obey “in the Lord” (v. 1) and the warnings from Director Noh. Through prayer and discernment, we should seek wisdom from God to distinguish when we should obey our parents and when we should not. This means that children should not follow their parents’ wishes unconditionally.

For example, I would never want my beloved children—Dillon, Yeri, and Karis—to be the kind of children who obey me unconditionally. The reason is that my words can be wrong. How can I fully understand the will of the Lord? How can I speak to my children with unwavering faith according to God’s word? I am a father who is far from perfect in this regard. If I were to direct my children in ignorance and without understanding while God is working in their lives according to His own plans, they might receive guidance and insights from God that I am unaware of. What would happen if, as their father, I instructed them in a way that contradicts what God is communicating to them? I want my children to obey God's word. The reason I felt compelled to write this, perhaps with some agitation, is because many parents seem to raise their children not according to God's heart and will but based on personal desires or incomplete faith and beliefs. If we fail to recognize and admit this, and if, under the guise of love (sometimes through excessive protection or interference), we dictate every aspect of our children’s lives and even take away their freedom of choice, what will become of them? I believe this is not the right approach.

Today's passage, Colossians 3:20, says, "Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord." When reflecting on this verse in connection with Ephesians 6:1, I focused more on the idea of obeying parents “in the Lord” rather than just “in everything.” This is because “it is right for those who believe in the Lord” (v. 1). If we consider Ephesians 6:1 from the opposite perspective, it implies that obeying parents outside of the Lord is not right for believers. In other words, while Colossians 3:20 says, “Children, obey your parents in everything,” Ephesians 6:1 specifies that this obedience should be “in the Lord.” This indicates that the comprehensive biblical teaching for children is to “obey your parents in everything, in the Lord.” However, it seems that children sometimes misunderstand this comprehensive biblical teaching, thinking that they must obey their parents unconditionally in all things. This misunderstanding implies that children might believe they should follow even those instructions from parents that are not in alignment with God’s will. For example, if parents are giving instructions based on their own desires rather than God's will, children should discern with divine wisdom that such instructions are not in the Lord. Despite this, they might still misinterpret the Scripture and think they must obey their parents without question. This misunderstanding is not in line with what pleases the Lord, as per Colossians 3:20.

When children obey their parents, their primary goal should be to please the Lord rather than merely pleasing their parents. I still remember an incident from about 34 years ago when I was in college. I noticed that a junior student seemed troubled by her poor grades, so I encouraged her to do her best and leave the results to God. The response from that junior was that her parents would not be happy with her grades. It seemed that she was worried that poor grades would displease her parents. I believe that many children today, in their own way, strive to make their parents happy out of love. However, there are times when children might question whether making their parents happy truly aligns with pleasing the Lord. This is because there can be a conflict between pleasing parents and pleasing the Lord. When such a conflict arises in their hearts, what should children do? Perhaps they need to learn to pray as Jesus did in Gethsemane, saying, “Father, if it is possible, let this cup pass from me; yet not as I will, but as You will” (Mt. 26:39). In other words, they might need to train themselves to pray, “Do not follow my parents’ will, but rather Your will, Lord.” The key point is that while it is commendable for children to obey their parents to make them happy, if this obedience conflicts with obeying the Lord and pleasing Him, then children should prioritize obedience to the Lord and strive to please Him above all.

So how can children ensure that their obedience to their parents also pleases the Lord? First, they need to verify whether their parents' instructions align with God's Word. This is why the Apostle Paul says in Ephesians 6:1, "Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right." In other words, if a parent's instruction does not align with the Lord's Word, it is not obedience "in the Lord," and children should not follow it. Acts 4:19 comes to mind: "Peter and John replied, ‘Judge for yourselves whether it is right in God’s sight to obey you rather than God’." Children need to determine whether it is right in God's sight to listen to their parents' words rather than God's Word. If it is confirmed that a parent's instruction is consistent with God's Word, then children should, of course, obey that instruction. "This is what pleases the Lord" (Col. 3:20). "This is right for those who believe in the Lord" (Eph. 6:1). Children who believe in the Lord will follow His Word, which commands them to "obey your parents in everything" (Col. 3:20) as a way to please the Lord and do what is right in His eyes.

Proverbs 23:15-16 states: “My son, if your heart is wise, my heart will be glad; if your lips speak what is right, I will rejoice.” Children who make their parents' hearts glad and joyful are those who are wise and speak with honesty. Such wise children listen to their parents (vv. 19, 22). Even if their parents' words are rebukes, they listen humbly (25:12). Moreover, they gain further wisdom to guide their hearts in the right direction (23:19). They do not allow themselves to stray into paths of folly (20:1). Additionally, wise children do not despise their parents because of their old age (22:22). Conversely, children who despise their parents due to their old age lack wisdom (11:12). In other words, they are foolish. The reason foolish children despise their parents is that they despise God's Word (13:13). Consider this: Ephesians 6:1 clearly says, “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.” Yet, foolish children ignore and despise this instruction, and therefore do not obey their parents. Foolish children not only despise God’s Word but also disregard their parents’ words (Prov. 23:9). This behavior is not right in the eyes of God. It is an offense against God (14:21).