"Let us not quarrel"

"Let us not quarrel"

 

 

 

"Abram said to Lot, 'We are relatives.  Let us not have any conflict between you and me, or between your herders and mine'" (Genesis 13:8, Contemporary Bible).

 

 

 

              About two weeks ago, during our Tuesday online family prayer meeting, I shared seven thoughts under the title "Lord, build our entire family and relatives into a family of love," based on Ephesians 5:31-33 and two articles I wrote. The seven thoughts were:

 

1.      Family is truly important.

2.      The spiritual health of the husband, as the head of the family, is crucial.

3.      The spiritual maturity and leadership of the husband, as the head of the family, are vital.

4.      A spiritually healthy and mature husband prioritizes loving his wife.

5.      A spiritually healthy and mature husband sets clear and healthy boundaries.

6.      There may be crises or challenges in the marital relationship.

7.      The marriage relationship must align with the relationship between Christ and the Church.

 

While reflecting on the fifth thought, "A spiritually healthy and mature husband sets clear and healthy boundaries," I quoted Ephesians 5:31: "For this reason, a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh" (Korean Modern Bible).  When sharing this thought, I used the example of mother-in-law and daughter-in-law conflicts. I mentioned a situation where the husband failed to "leave" his parents, especially his mother, as stated in Ephesians 5:31. I believe that if a husband does not "leave" his parents (particularly his mother), the conflict between his mother and wife will be constant and unresolvable.  In other words, a spiritually unhealthy and immature husband cannot "leave" his mother (either emotionally or mentally), which prevents him from establishing clear and healthy boundaries between his wife and his mother.  As a result, he is unable to protect his wife in the conflict between her and his mother, causing his wife to continue experiencing hurt and tears from his mother.  However, a spiritually healthy and mature husband, having left his parents and united with his wife as one flesh, views even his mother as a third party. He also regards his children, siblings, and relatives as third parties, ensuring that they do not interfere with the marital relationship.  He wisely and carefully prevents them from having a negative impact on the relationship.

 

              In today's passage, Genesis 13:8, we see the spiritually healthy and mature Abram.  He sought to resolve the conflict that existed between him and his nephew Lot by saying to him: "We are relatives.  Let not our herdsmen quarrel, neither my herdsmen nor your herdsmen" (Korean Modern Bible).  From this verse, it seems to me that Abram is saying two things based on the conflict between him and Lot: “We are relatives” and “Let us not quarrel”.  I believe these two statements can apply not only to our relationships with relatives but also to family relationships, particularly marital relationships.  For example, when considering a marital relationship, in times of conflict, a husband should say to his wife, “We are one body” (Ephesians 5:31, Korean Modern Bible), and “Let us not quarrel” (Genesis 13:8, Korean Modern Bible).  Therefore, the husband should strive to resolve conflicts with his wife in the Lord.  Blessed are the peacemakers (Matthew 5:9).  In today's passage, Abram was a peacemaker.  He did not want to quarrel with his beloved nephew Lot.  So, he said to Lot, "We are relatives.  Let us not quarrel, neither my herdsmen nor your herdsmen" (Genesis 13:8, Korean Modern Bible).  The first question I would ask is: Why did Abram and Lot, and their herdsmen, quarrel?  When thinking about this, I believe the quarrel was not directly between Abram and Lot, but rather between their herdsmen.  Second, the reason for the quarrel was that "Abram and Lot had so many livestock that the land could not support both of them living together" (v. 6).  Here, what does "the land" refer to?  "The land" refers to the place where "Abram took his wife and his nephew Lot, along with all their possessions, and left Egypt to go toward the Negev region in the south of Canaan" (12:1, Korean Modern Bible).  "There, he continued traveling northward to Bethel and Ai, to the place where he had previously pitched his tent and built an altar" (v. 3).  The term "previously" refers to what is described in Genesis 12:5-8, where "Abram took his wife Sarai, his nephew Lot, and all the wealth and servants he had acquired in Haran, and entered the land of Canaan" (v. 5, Korean Modern Bible).  "He passed through the land to the Oak of Moreh at Shechem" (v. 6), where Abram received God's promise.  "He built an altar there" (v. 7), and then "left that place and traveled southward to pitch his tent between Bethel to the west and Ai to the east. There, he also built an altar and worshiped the Lord" (v. 8, Korean Modern Bible).  There are two interesting points here:

 

(1)   The first interesting point is that Abram, with his wife Sarai and nephew Lot, left Haran in faith as God had instructed him (v. 4) and entered the land of Canaan (v. 5).

 

He pitched his tent between Bethel and Ai (v. 8).  Later, he moved further south in Canaan (v. 9), but when a severe famine struck the land of Canaan, he went down to Egypt to live (v. 10).  Due to the incident with his beautiful wife Sarai and the Pharaoh of Egypt, he had to leave Egypt (vv, 11-20).  Ultimately, Abram, along with his wife and nephew Lot and all his possessions, left Egypt and went up to the Negev region in the southern part of Canaan (13:1), then returned to the place where he had previously pitched his tent and built an altar, between Bethel and Ai (v. 3).

 

(2)   Something I considered is that while Abram was camping between Bethel and Ai, building an altar and worshiping God (v. 3; see also 12:8), Abram and Lot had so many animals that the land could not support both of them, causing conflict between Abram's herdsmen and Lot's herdsmen (13:6-7).

 

When reflecting on this, we realize that even after worshiping God, couples can still argue, and conflicts can arise not only within a family but also among relatives.  Even with abundant wealth, as seen with Abram and Lot, family members or relatives can quarrel.  Proverbs 17:1 comes to mind: "Better a dry piece of bread and peace in the house than a house full of food and strife" (Korean Modern Bible).  It is better for a family to live in peace, even with a little material scarcity, than to be rich and argue.  What matters is not how much material wealth there is in the house, but the peace within it.  However, among family members, those with greed will stir up strife (28:25).

 

              As I was meditating on Genesis 13:8-10, I considered the reason Abram's herdsmen and Lot's herdsmen quarreled: they had too many livestock, and the land between Bethel and Ai could not support both of their herds (Genesis 13:2, 6-7).  This raised the question, "How did their livestock become so many?"  I wondered if they had always had many animals or if their herds grew later on.  To find an answer, I read Genesis 12 and noticed in Genesis 12:5 that "Abram took his wife Sarai, his nephew Lot, and all the possessions and servants he had acquired in Haran and went into the land of Canaan."  From this, it seemed that Abram already had "all his possessions" from the beginning.  However, I wondered whether his all his possessions (12:5) were already "too much" (13:6) at that time.  In my opinion, I don't think so.  The reason I think this is because in Genesis 12:10, when a severe famine struck the land of Canaan where Abram, his wife Sarai, and his nephew Lot were staying, Abram decided to go down to Egypt to live.  For example, where I currently live, in Southern California, the cost of living has risen significantly, with high apartment rents and overall financial difficulty, leading many people to relocate to Texas or other states.  I've also heard that some people, even though they want to move to Los Angeles, cannot afford the high cost of living here.  However, no matter how high the cost of living is, people living in wealthy areas like Beverly Hills, who have substantial wealth, probably wouldn't consider moving to another state.  Just like this, if Abram had already had all his possessions (v. 5) in sufficient amounts while living in the land of Canaan, he would not have gone to Egypt when a severe famine struck.  If my thoughts are correct, another question arises: "How then did Abram's 'all his possessions' become 'too many' (13:6)?"  In my opinion, it was because God blessed Abram as He had promised in the covenant (12:2, 3).  How did the covenant God faithfully bless Abram?  By causing a severe famine in the land of Canaan where Abram was living, God led Abram to go down to Egypt (v. 10), and there, through the beauty of Abram's wife Sarai, God caused Pharaoh, the king of Egypt, to treat Abram generously, giving him sheep, cattle, donkeys, male and female servants, and camels (v. 16).  However, in this process, Abram was not faithful.  It seems that he did not fully trust the covenant God.  Because of the beauty of his wife Sarai, he feared he might be killed by the Egyptians and told Sarai, "Say that you are my sister" (vv. 12-13).  Because he feared for his life due to his wife, Abram made his wife lie, but despite this, the covenant God faithfully blessed him and gave him many livestock through Pharaoh (v. 16).  When considering how much Abram had, Genesis 13:2 in the Korean Modern Bible says, "He had many livestock, silver, and gold."  As I reflected on this, Exodus 12:36 and 38 came to mind.  Here is the translation from the Korean Modern Bible: "The Lord made the Egyptians favor the Israelites, so they gave them what they asked for, and the Israelites plundered the Egyptians. ...  Also, many other people from various nations went with them, along with sheep, cattle, and many livestock."  When God delivered the Israelites from Egypt through Moses, He caused the Egyptians to favor the Israelites and gave them what they asked for, so the Israelites left Egypt with the Egyptians' possessions, including sheep, cattle, and many livestock.  God blessed both Abram and his descendants, the Israelites, with many livestock.

This leads to the question: How did Abram's nephew Lot accumulate so many livestock?  Of course, Genesis 13:5 says, "Lot also had flocks and herds and tents," but in verse 6, it says, "Abram and Lot had so many livestock."  This raised the question of how Lot ended up with so many livestock.  The Bible doesn’t provide a clear answer, but in my view, Abram may have shared the material blessings he received from God with his nephew Lot.  In other words, because God blessed Abram with "many livestock, silver, and gold" (13:2, Korean Modern Bible), Abram likely gave a portion of his wealth to his beloved nephew Lot, which is why "Lot also had flocks and herds and tents" (v. 6, Korean Modern Bible).

 

I would like to conclude my reflection on the passage.  When Abram and his nephew Lot, or rather their shepherds, were fighting due to their abundant possessions, Abram said to Lot, "We are relatives.  Let there be no quarrel between me and you, and between your herders and mine" (v. 8, Korean Modern Bible).  Although it may seem that Abram and Lot were not quarreling, their herders were in conflict because there was not enough pasture for their livestock in the land between Bethel and Ai.  In this situation, Abram told Lot not to let the herders "quarrel" (v. 8).  As Christians who believe in Jesus, we are not to be those who quarrel with each other or cause others to quarrel.  Rather, we are peacemakers, those who strive to keep the peace.  But why do so many quarrels arise among us?  Why is there so much conflict within the church?  Is it because we have abundant possessions?  Or is it because something is lacking?  We must not allow the material blessings God gives us to become the cause of disputes.  Instead, we should use those blessings wisely to bring glory to God.

 

 

I pray that we may not quarrel but live in peace with one another,

 

 

James Kim

[July 23, 2022, "What causes fights and quarrels among you?  Don't they come from your desires that battle within you? You desire but do not have, so you kill; you covet but cannot get, so you quarrel and fight" (James 4:1-2, Korean Modern Bible)]