We must honor our wives.

We must honor our wives.

 

 

 

“and the parts that we think are less honorable we treat with special honor.  …” (1 Corinthians 12:23a).

 

 

              Last month, before I left to attend the India Mission Conference in September, our pastor emeritus was in Korea, so I had to preach at the Wednesday service.  In that sermon, based on 1 Corinthians 12:25, I proclaimed the message titled "Is Our Church a Mirror?" and shared three points on how our church, Victory Presbyterian Church, can maintain unity amidst diversity: (1) We need to recognize that we are all needed by one another, (2) We must honor one another, and (3) We must see the beauty in each other. After delivering this message and finishing the service, when I went home, my wife shared a couple of things with me.  When I heard her words, I was convicted in my conscience.  The reason for this was that, as she said, I had not been treating her with the honor she deserved.  The reason she felt that way was because, although she had asked me multiple times to go camping with her, I had always said "no," and later suggested, "Next April, when a pastor couple we know come to Texas, we can go camping then.  After that, just the two of us will go."  If I had truly honored her, I should have wanted to go camping with her alone first.  I realized this from her loving correction that day.  So, after returning from the India Mission Conference, I apologized and told her we would go camping alone, just the two of us.  Then, last Sunday afternoon, I went camping with only my wife, and we returned home on Tuesday.  Originally, my wife had suggested that we bring our three children along, but I said, "No." The reason was that I wanted to go camping with her alone.  Though we’ve been married for over 25 years, this was the first time we went camping just the two of us. It was wonderful.  Especially on the last evening, Monday night, when we lit a campfire, grilled some marinated meat, and wrapped it in lettuce with ssamjang (Korean dipping sauce), eating and having a meal together at the table was truly enjoyable.  Seeing my wife eat so well made me feel thankful and happy.

 

              In today's passage, 1 Corinthians 12:23a, the Apostle Paul tells the Corinthians, "We give greater honor to the parts that lacked it ...."  I had already received the lesson last month during the Wednesday service, emphasizing that in order for our Victory Presbyterian Church to maintain unity in diversity, we must honor one another.  I then applied this lesson to the family context, meaning that husbands and wives must honor each other.  Specifically, as a husband, I was reminded of the lesson that "husbands must honor their wives."  To practice this lesson in my relationship with my wife, I considered what I should do and how I should approach it in two ways:

 

First, in order for me, as a husband, to honor my wife, I need to understand how much the Triune God values me.

 

When my children were younger, I would often write letters to them on their birthdays and send them via email.  I would address them, saying, "To my precious, beloved son Dillon" or "To my precious, beloved daughter Yeri" (or Yeun).  I did this because, in the eyes of God the Father, they were precious children, and as their earthly father, I wanted to honor and cherish them in the same way.  However, I realized that I was not humbly honoring myself as precious in the faith.  Despite the fact that God the Father valued me so much that He sent His only Son, Jesus, to this earth and allowed Him to bear my sins on the cross and die, I had not been valuing myself through His love.  When I think about how much God the Father values me, to the point of not sparing His Son but delivering Him up for me on the cross (Romans 8:32), I am overwhelmed by how great, deep, wide, and vast His love is. I also want to realize more deeply how precious I am to Jesus, the Son of God. Jesus, who has the authority to lay down His life (John 10:18), gave Himself up on the cross for someone like me, a sinner who was an enemy of God (Romans 5:8, 10), and I want to understand more deeply how much He loves me and values me.  Furthermore, I want to understand how precious I am to the Holy Spirit, who lives within me as a righteous sinner, bearing fruit of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22-23) and working to transform me to become more like Jesus (2 Peter 1:4).  In short, I want to realize more and more how precious I am to the Triune God.  Therefore, I want to love myself with the love of the Triune God, and following Jesus' command, I want to love my neighbor as myself (Matthew 22:39).  In particular, I want to love my wife, who is one with me in the Lord, with the love of the Triune God, valuing her even more.

 

Second and last, as a husband, I want to value my wife as the more fragile vessel, the partner with whom I will share eternal life, which is given by grace.

 

             This is from 1 Peter 3:7: "Husbands, in the same way, be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers" [(Korean Modern Bible) "Husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way.  Treat them as the weaker vessel, and as co-heirs of the grace of life, value them.  This is so that your prayers may not be hindered"].  From this verse, the Bible is telling husbands like me to "honor" our wives.  The Contemporary Bible says, "value them."  I ponder how I can obey this command and value my wife. I have thought of three ways:

 

(1)   As a husband, I must live with my wife in understanding.

 

This is the first half of 1 Peter 3:7 from the Korean Modern Bible: "Husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way …."  Having lived with my wife for over 25 years, I have tried and tried to understand her.  There were times when I simply couldn’t understand her, and my conclusion was, "It seems that my wife is an object of love, not an object to be understood."  Haha.  But as I read this verse from 1 Peter 3:7, I am reminded that as a husband, I am supposed to "understand" my wife.  However, when it comes to putting this teaching into practice, the spiritual battle is real. Satan keeps trying to make me "misunderstand" her.  While the Holy Spirit is helping me understand my wife, Satan is trying to lead me into misunderstanding her, thus upsetting my emotions.  In the past, Satan would make me say things in anger, which resulted in conflicts between us.  But now, the Holy Spirit is guiding me to understand my wife more deeply.  Not only that, the Holy Spirit is also helping my wife understand me better.  Furthermore, the Holy Spirit is teaching us to accept and love each other, even when we struggle to understand one another, without letting misunderstandings take root.

 

(2)   As a husband, I must recognize that my wife is the "weaker vessel" and love her as she is.

 

I would like to share an interesting interpretation of the term "weaker vessel" from 1 Peter 3:7: "The word ‘skeuos’ (σκεῦος) for vessel does not refer to a specific shaped container but rather a general term for any vessel used for carrying something.  This term 'vessel' is often used in the Bible as a metaphor for someone with a mission (Internet).  When I accept this interpretation, I believe the Lord has also given my wife a mission.  Additionally, I believe that as her husband, I must fully support the development of the gifts and talents that God has given her.  I try to practice this by supporting what my wife enjoys, loves, and excels at.  I also look with eyes of faith to see how the Lord is working in my wife’s heart and life, and I am thankful and joyful.  I trust that the Lord will continue to work through my wife and be glorified.  My prayer is that both my wife and I will live according to the respective missions the Lord has given us, bringing glory to God.  Of course, I believe that living according to these missions means serving together as one body, fulfilling the Lord's calling for our family, His church, and His kingdom.

 

              In this way, as a husband, I want to recognize my wife as a partner with whom I will share the eternal life that God graciously gives, and I want to cherish her more deeply.  I want to cherish her, especially as a couple who, by God's grace, already possess eternal life through faith in Jesus Christ, and as such, I hope we can be a couple who, according to Jesus' commandments, love one another more with the Lord's love (1 John 3:14).

 

 

I pray that I will be established as a husband who cherishes my beloved wife, whom God has given as a gift of grace.

 

 

James Kim

(October 12, 2022, How can I, as someone who is loved by the Triune God, continue to sin by not cherishing the wife whom He has graciously given to me?)