Regarding the relationship between my wife and me, and our children ...

Regarding the relationship between

my wife and me, and our children ...

 

 

  

 

The photo below was taken by my beloved daughter, Yeri.  She posted it on her Instagram story, and I copied it from there. Haha.  This photo was taken when our family, including my wife and two daughters, Yeri and Karis, went on a trip to Pismo Beach.  Karis was walking in front of us, while Yeri was walking behind us, and this is a picture of us walking hand in hand from behind, taken by Yeri. Hehe.  Along with this photo, I would like to share a few personal thoughts based on the Korean drama my wife and I are currently watching, “One Spring Night” ("봄밤").

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1.       First, as I look at the photo that Yeri took, my personal thought is that, in the eyes of our children, our back view as a couple should be something they find beautiful.  In other words, I believe that my wife and I must be role models for our children.  This means that the relationship between my wife and me is the most important in our family.   It’s not that the relationship between mother and child is the most important. I believe that the most important relationship—the marriage—must continue to grow in the love of the Lord.  Therefore, I think our children should grow up seeing the love between us as a couple.  If, however, our children grow up seeing us not loving each other, but instead hating and fighting due to sinful, old instincts, I believe that would be very harmful and leave them with deep wounds.

 

2.       Recently, when my wife and I watch the Korean drama “One Spring Night” before going to bed, we see that the female protagonist, "Jeong-in Lee," has parents (especially her father) who intervene in her marriage, almost forcefully, by telling her what to do.  Watching this, I said two important things to my wife, who was sitting beside me watching the drama: (1) When we, as a couple, were united by the Lord, and when we look at our beloved son Dillon and his wife, we can see that when the Lord brings two people together in marriage, everything goes smoothly.  (2) In the future, for our beloved two daughters, Yeri and Karis, who will get married, let’s not overly intervene as parents.  Instead, let’s commit their marriages to the Lord in prayer and trust Him with their future.

 

3.       In the drama “One Spring Night,” I believe that the father of the female protagonist, Jeong-in Lee, ruined the marriage of his eldest daughter, Seo-in Lee.  The father arranged for his eldest daughter to marry a man who was a successful dentist, but this husband habitually abused Seo-in.  Even after finding out that she was pregnant, he wanted her to divorce him.  However, even after learning that his daughter was being abused, her father advised her not to divorce him, using various arguments.  My wife and I are not familiar with Korean culture and sentiments, so we don’t understand why parents would want to marry their children off to someone with a good job and a good family background (where “good” in this context, I believe, refers to what the parents see as "good," which I think is worldly and secular).  We believe that, rather than focusing on background or profession, parents should first consider the character and qualities of the person their child has chosen as a spouse.  Furthermore, before all of this, my wife and I trust in God, and because of that, we believe we should also trust our children.  Therefore, we think that we should trust the future spouse our children choose as well.  If we, as parents, cannot trust our child and instead worry or have doubts about the future spouse they’ve chosen, it will certainly lead to conflict. I believe that, in this situation, our child will sense our disapproval of their choice, and the conflict between parent and child could become much deeper.

 

4.       My wife and I believe that, as parents, we must trust in God while raising our children, and because of this, we also believe we should give our children trust.  In addition, we think that there must be healthy boundaries in our relationships with our children.  There should be an appropriate distance and space between us and them.  Therefore, we believe that we, as parents, must make an effort to maintain those boundaries.  If we don’t, parents will struggle because of their children, and children will suffer because of their parents.

 

5.       My wife and I maintain our relationship by setting boundaries and keeping an appropriate distance from each other.  For example, when it comes to exercising for our health, we respect each other’s preferences and do not tell each other what to do.  Moreover, we do not interfere with each other’s work as much as possible.  The reason is that the person who knows best about what each of us does is ourselves, not our spouse.  However, when we do talk about each other’s work, we each make an effort to listen to and understand each other’s thoughts and feelings.  What we are grateful for in this process is that the Holy Spirit helps us to have the same heart, the same thoughts, and the same intentions when we discuss our children.  As a result, my wife and I do not argue or fight over our differences of opinion regarding our children.  Instead, we empathize with each other’s hearts, understand each other’s thoughts, and complement one another, so that, according to God’s will (not our own), we are able to love and serve each of our children.