How should we build our families?

How should we build our families?

 

 

 

 

 

 

“so she said to Abram, ‘The LORD has kept me from having children.  Go, sleep with my maidservant; perhaps I can build a family through her.’  Abram agreed to what Sarai said.” (Genesis 16:2)

 

 

 

               We must build our family firmly on the foundation of Jesus Christ.  To establish the body of Christ, the Church, firmly on the foundation of Jesus, we must first build our family on that same foundation.  To do this, we need to find the principles for building a family in the Bible and follow them. Of course, the Bible contains many principles for building a family. Prominent examples include Ephesians chapters 5-6, Colossians 3:13-4:1, and 1 Peter 3:1-7.  However, today I would like to reflect on biblical principles for building our family, focusing on Genesis 16:2, and share these reflections in the hope that they will be helpful not only for my own family but also for yours.

 

               The passage from today’s text, Genesis 16:2, describes the scene where Sarai, who was unable to conceive and had no children (11:30), speaks to her husband Abram, asking him to sleep with her servant Hagar (16:1) in order to build a family.  Sarai’s intention was for her husband Abram to sleep with her servant Hagar so that they could have children and establish a family.  Abram listens to Sarai's request and ultimately sleeps with Hagar, and Hagar becomes pregnant (v. 4).  When Hagar realized she was pregnant, she despised her mistress Sarai (v. 4).  At this point, Sarai spoke to Abram, saying, "My wrong be upon you. I gave my maid into your embrace, and when she saw that she had conceived, I became despised in her eyes.  The Lord judge between you and me" (v. 5).  This situation seems to reflect the concept of "the pot calling the kettle black."  Sarai, who initiated the situation, now blames her husband Abram (it seems Sarai was complaining to her husband).  In response, Abram said to Sarai, "Your maid is in your hand; do to her as you please" (v. 6).  As a result, Hagar fled from her mistress Sarai (v. 8).

 

As I think more about this story, I increasingly believe that Abram and Sarai did not follow the biblical principles for marriage and were disobedient. I n other words, Sarai did not respect (honor) her husband Abram as a wife, and Abram did not truly love his wife Sarai.

 

First, Sarai disobeyed the biblical principle of respecting (honoring) her husband Abram (Ephesians 5:33).

 

How can we know this?  If Sarai had truly respected her husband Abram, she should have trusted and followed him.  In other words, if she truly respected (honored) her husband, she would have obeyed his words (Ephesians 5:22-24).  In other words, Sarai should have believed and patiently waited, just as Abram believed the promise of God's blessings (Genesis 12:1-3, 7; 15:4-5) and waited in faith.  Instead, she sinned by disobedience rooted in unbelief.  In other words, Sarai did not believe God's promise to Abram, "To your offspring, I will give this land" (12:7), "A son coming from your own body will be your heir" (15:4), "Your descendants will be like the dust of the earth" (v. 5), and she took matters into her own hands.  Rather than trusting God’s plan, she decided to have her servant Hagar bear a child with Abram to establish a family.  Clearly, God had said, "A son coming from your own body will be your heir" (v. 4), but Sarai did not believe this promise.  Instead of following God's plan, she acted according to her own will and plan.  God's plan was for Abram to receive the promise when he was 75 (12:4), and for him to have a son, Isaac, when he was 100.  However, Sarai, unable to wait in faith for 10 years (16:3), resorted to her own solution by having Abram sleep with Hagar to have a child, ultimately leading to the birth of Ishmael.  Sarai chose to pursue her own plan, having Hagar sleep with Abram to establish a family, rather than trusting in God’s way, which was for Isaac to be born from Abram and Sarai.  In short, Sarai did not build her family by faith.

 

Second, Abram disobeyed the biblical principle of loving his wife Sarai (Ephesians 5:25-28).

 

How can we know this?  If Abram had truly loved his wife Sarai, he would have led her properly.  In other words, if Abram had loved his wife Sarai, he would have led her in truth.  However, when Sarai told Abram to sleep with her servant Hagar, Abram listened to Sarai’s words (Genesis 16:2).  A wife should listen to and obey her husband, but here we see the opposite: Abram, the husband, listening to and obeying his wife’s words.  Why is this wrong?  Clearly, Abram had received God’s promise, "A son coming from your own body will be your heir" (15:4).  If he truly believed this promise, when his wife Sarai suggested having Hagar bear a child to build a family, Abram should have rejected Sarai’s words in faith, instead of obeying them.  Shouldn’t Abram have rebuked his wife with love, saying, "Why don’t you believe that God will give us descendants through our bodies?"  Instead, Abram obeyed his wife’s unbelieving suggestion. This made me think of Adam.  After eating the forbidden fruit, Adam should have rejected Eve’s words and rebuked her with love, but instead, he ate the fruit she gave him. Adam refused to lead his wife.  He did not exercise leadership as a husband. I believe the same applies to Abram.  As the husband, Abram should have led Sarai, but instead, he refused to lead and obeyed his wife’s wrong words, as we see in today’s text, Genesis 16:2.  If Abram had truly loved his wife, he would have rejected her unbelieving words and, with love, led her in truth.  But Abram failed to do this. He loved his wife without truth.  This kind of love is meaningless. If he was simply trying to maintain peace in the family by listening to and obeying his wife’s words in her unbelief, that thinking was a great mistake.  Love that is not based on truth cannot maintain peace in the family.  In short, Abram did not build his family with true love.

 

In order to build our family, we must remain faithful to the biblical principles that God has given us, no matter what situation we find ourselves in.  A wife must respect her husband.  A wife who respects her husband obeys his words as she would the Lord.  A wise wife who builds her family in faith submits to her husband’s authority (not authoritarianism, but the divine authority God has given to her husband) and follows his lead.  Therefore, she honors her husband.  What about the husband?  A Spirit-filled husband who builds his family in faith loves his wife as Christ loves the Church.  He leads his wife in truth. He never listens to or agrees with words from his wife’s unbelief, nor does he obey them.  Instead, he knows how to rebuke her in love.  Therefore, because he loves her, he builds her up in truth.  When both the husband and wife are faithful to God’s principles for building a family—when the husband builds up his wife, and the wife builds up her husband—our family will be firmly established on the rock.

 

 

 

 

 

Dedicated to building families,

 

 

 

James Kim

(January 5, 2010, re-committing to lead my beloved wife in truth)