The love for children of a worldly mother who does not resemble Jesus is never the love for children with the Lord’s love!

The love for children of a worldly mother

who does not resemble Jesus is never

the love for children with the Lord’s love!

 

 

 

Among Jesus' disciples, there were two brothers named James and John.  Their father was Zebedee, and their mother came to Jesus with James and John, bowing down and asking for something.  She requested, "Grant that one of these two sons of mine may sit at your right and the other at your left in your kingdom" (Matthew 20:20-21, Korean Modern Bible).  Why did the mother of James and John ask Jesus for such a request?  Of course, she didn't fully understand what she was asking (v. 22), but I believe her ultimate intention was for her two sons to be great and to be first in the kingdom.  In response, Jesus, hearing her words, said to the ten other disciples who were upset, "Whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first must be your slave" (vv. 26-27, Korean Modern Bible).  Jesus came not to be served, but to serve (v. 28), while the mother of James and John seemed to want her two sons to be served.  A worldly mother’s love for her children, who does not resemble Jesus, is certainly not loving them with the Lord’s love!

 

Until just a moment ago, I was meditating on the passage from Matthew 20, and I wrote a short reflection based on that passage, which I shared in a few places.  Afterward, I felt the need to reflect more deeply on the points in my previous meditation.  Perhaps the reason for this is that the truth stated in the title of my reflection—“The love for children of a worldly mother who does not resemble Jesus is never the love for children with the Lord’s love!”—seems to be very serious to me.

 

Personally, I believe that after God's love, the greatest love is a mother's love.  This is because I, too, have received so much of my mother's love—great, deep, and wide—and I still do.  Especially now, after she turned over eighty, my mother often shares with me how much she suffered when I was born.  She tells me that when I was born with a large head, she had to rely on the help of a midwife, and how she often had to carry me on her back when I was sick, taking two buses to travel far to the hospital for treatment.  She shares these stories with me.  So, every year in May, on Mother's Day, when I worship God and sing hymn “Precious Love, the Love of Mother,” I often feel a lump in my throat.  Here are the lyrics of the first and second verses: (Verse 1) Precious love, the love of mother, Broad and deep beyond all praise!  Precious love, it stirs my spirit Gives me gladness all my days.  Mother pray'd when I was weeping, Made my sorrows all her own; And when I was glad and smiling Sang her praises at the Throne.  (Verse 2) Precious Book, my mother's Bible, Which she read me morn and night.  Still I see her read, and, pausing, Call some treasure to my sight: "Whosoever but believeth Shall receive eternal life."  Precious words of her reciting, Still my strength in mortal strife!  The memory I still can't forget is of my mother, sitting at the table at her house, transcribing the Bible, and then, her head bowing, falling asleep at the table.  Another memory that I hold dear is when my mother was taken by ambulance to the emergency room.  While she lay there, just the two of us worshipped God, and I asked her to recite her favorite Bible verse, Isaiah 41:10.  She responded with the words: "Do not fear, for I am with you; Do not be dismayed, for I am your God.  I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."  There are countless other memories in my heart, but if I were to share just one more, it would be the image of my mother crying in front of me.  Those tears of my mother are quiet in the depths of my heart [Reference: "You have collected all my tears in your bottle" (Psalms 56:8)].  At the same time, I cannot forget how much I must have hurt my mother, making her cry.  What I know about causing my mother to cry is probably only 1%.  The other 99% of the times I hurt my mother's heart and made her cry, I still don't know, and I can only guess.  One of those guesses is that during my teenage years, when I wanted to break free from my mother's overwhelming love, I hurt her a lot with my words and actions, and she probably cried a lot and deeply, in places I couldn't see.  At that time, I felt burdened by my mother's excessive love.  I didn't like how she constantly worried about me, fussed over me, and lectured me.  In short, I wanted to be independent from her excessive love and protection.  So, in my attempt to break free, I ended up saying many hurtful things to her directly.  From my mother's perspective, hearing those things must have been painful, especially considering all the hardships she endured since giving birth to me.  Not only did she suffer while raising me in Korea, where I was often sick, but she also made sure I received the eggs, which she didn’t give to my other siblings, and when we immigrated to the U.S., she didn’t even know the English alphabet.  I had to memorize 20 words for a test the next day in elementary school, and seeing me struggle, crying as I memorized all those words, she must have been deeply pained.  How do you think my mother felt about all of this?  However, from my perspective at the time, my mother's unconditional love felt like a burden, and I wanted to break free from her overwhelming love and make my own decisions to do what I wanted.  I didn’t want her to worry so much or to be overly concerned about me.  The reason was that I was more worried about my mother's health. I still remember when my mother was in her early 40s and suffered a stroke while I was in elementary school.  She had to get acupuncture all over her body, either from a traditional medicine doctor or a church elder.  Since then, my mother has had to take blood pressure medicine for the rest of her life.  When I think of her, I wish she would take better care of her health, even more than she takes care of me (and I still feel this way now).

 

The reason I am sharing honestly about my relationship with my mother is that although I believe that my mother's love is the closest human love to God's love, if that great and precious love of my mother does not reflect God's love, then I believe that such love from a mother can do more harm than good to her child.  I feel deeply that the love of a mother that harms her child is a serious issue, and I am truly saddened by this.  So, after writing a short reflection on the topic “The love for children of a worldly mother who does not resemble Jesus is never the love for children with the Lord’s love!,” I want to take a moment to reflect on my deeper thoughts and express them in writing to better organize them.

1.       First of all, as the title of my short reflection suggests, I believe that a worldly mother who does not resemble Jesus is a very serious issue.  Of course, a child who does not resemble Jesus is also a big problem, but in my view, a worldly mother who does not resemble Jesus is an even bigger problem than such a child.

 

2.       Even though a mother may be a believer in Jesus, if her child perceives her as someone who, despite being a member of the church and professing faith, doesn't truly seem to trust or believe in Jesus, then that mother, no matter how impressive her faith might appear in front of other church members, will still cause her child to doubt whether she truly believes in Jesus.  If a mother constantly worries, is anxious, and is burdened by her child’s struggles day by day, moment by moment, it is understandable that the child might say, “I’m not sure my mother truly believes in the Lord.”

 

3.       Especially if such a mother loves her children excessively, to the point where she desires, like the mother of James and John, that her children become great and rise to the top, and so desperately wants them to climb the ladder of worldly success and reach the highest position, if she goes to the temple of God and prays to God the Father like Hannah, Samuel’s mother, saying, “God, make my children the head and not the tail” (cf. Deuteronomy 28:13, Korean Modern Bible), then in my opinion, her children will never be able to satisfy their mother’s desires.  Moreover, her children will likely struggle with guilt, thinking, "No matter how hard I try, I can never satisfy my mother," and in that negative mindset, they may suffer from low self-esteem and inferiority complexes.

 

4.       I believe that children who view their own worth as low and consider themselves insignificant, while emotionally and mentally bound to their mothers, are at great risk of being manipulated.  These children will strive to gain their mother's approval, and the more they try, the more the unsatisfied mother will say, "You can do better than that," pushing the child to climb higher on the ladder of worldly success.  I believe that the excessive love, expectations, and desires of such a mother can ultimately destroy the child's soul, mind, and emotions.

 

5.       When I observe children in such a serious situation, I see their relationship with their mother as a toxic one.  The more the mother loves her children, the greater the risk that the children are being poisoned.  These children, due to their mother's worldly love, are being poisoned and are dying, while the mother believes that she is loving her children sacrificially and to the best of her ability, and she communicates this belief to her children. I think this is a very sad reality.

 

6.       Is there an antidote to this poisoned relationship between mothers and children?  If there is, what might it be?  Personally, I believe that the antidote is for mothers who love their children in worldly ways to start loving their children with a more balanced approach.  I think they need to stop loving so sacrificially to the point of exhausting themselves, as though they are giving their lives for their children.  "Parental love" can sometimes be like a car with an engine that’s too powerful, where the mother, believing she is doing what's best for her child, keeps the engine running, pushing herself too hard in the race of love.  Eventually, this can lead to a point where she can no longer apply the brakes.  So, even though many mothers might say they must love their children sacrificially, some may have lost the ability to stop themselves.  For this reason, I believe that these mothers need to intentionally love their children in a more measured and controlled way.  If they don’t, the children may either become consumed by the poison, leading to a sense of hopelessness and a desire to give up, or they may carry bitterness and hatred toward their mothers.

 

7.       Mothers who cannot let go of their children, even when they see their children suffocating, need to establish physical and emotional boundaries, both in terms of distance and time.  They must do this intentionally.  Even though it may feel unbearably painful, mothers must set healthy boundaries for the sake of their children. Especially for mothers who, due to difficult relationships with their husbands, pour all their energy into their children, they need to stand firm in their faith before God and trust God to let their children go in faith.  Mothers who are anxious about their children due to a lack of trust in God need to repent. The reason is that failing to raise children in faith is a sin (see Romans 14:23).

 

8.       Mothers who recognize that the problem in their relationship with their children lies not with their children, but with themselves, should come before God to seek the grace of repentance.  They must look to Jesus Christ, who was crucified, with faith.  In the assurance of forgiveness, as they repent, mothers must learn more and more about God's great and amazing love for them, gradually realizing how immense and incredible that love is.  Only then will mothers be able to love their children with God's love.

 

9.       Mothers who are dedicated to loving their children with God's love love their children through the power of the Holy Spirit, not by their own strength.  Therefore, they believe with the assurance given by the Holy Spirit that God loves their children the most, and in faith, they entrust their children to God.  They wisely help their children, who are of the age to make their own choices and decisions, by respecting their children's personalities and encouraging them to leave and become independent from their parents.

 

10.    A wise and Spirit-filled mother, as she grows in the love of Jesus, loves her children with that same love of Jesus.  She stands firm in her faith in Jesus, and so she continually prays for her children, never ceasing, with faith.  As she receives answers to her prayers from God, she shares her testimony with her children with a heart of gratitude and faith. My mother is such a mother.