The crisis in the family

The crisis in the family

 

 

 

It is 7:13 PM on Tuesday here.  Since there is a family prayer meeting at 8, I am preparing the sermon after meditating on the words I reflected on this morning.  In the meantime, I wanted to take a moment to briefly write about the conversation I had with two couples that God led me to meet last week (one with a husband, and the next day with another husband and his wife, where we had an extended conversation).  I hope this will be of some benefit to you:

 

1.       Every family (those two families) is facing a crisis.  Both couples faced crises, and this time, they were experiencing continuous difficulties.  The other husband seems to be going through a major crisis at the moment.

 

2.       When a great crisis comes to a family, what should we do and how should we respond?  Personally, I believe that crisis is an opportunity.  However, when actually going through a crisis, the reality seen with our physical eyes and the way we think about it in our minds can make it feel almost impossible to endure or handle the situation from a human perspective.

 

3.       Among the various types of crises in a family, the one I am most concerned about and tend to focus on is the crisis between the couple.  When husband and wife are experiencing deep conflicts for various reasons and reach a point where they no longer want to live together, I believe it is a truly serious crisis.  Particularly, if the couple is living under the same roof but their hearts and emotions have already drifted apart, such a relationship lacking interest and affection is, in my view, a great crisis.

 

4.       Another family crisis is one caused by the mother-in-law.  After the crisis between the couple, the next family crisis that concerns me the most is the significant difficulty that arises from the husband's mother or the wife's mother-in-law.  In the midst of this great difficulty, what concerns me the most is not the daughter-in-law (sister) but the son (the sister’s husband).  Why do I worry about the husband more than his wife?  It is because I believe that if the husband is thinking rightly in faith, seeing his beloved wife in deep pain, hurt, and tears due to his mother would be unbearable for him.  However, even though he would be greatly troubled, he cannot sever the relationship with his mother.  He will be deeply conflicted on how to wisely honor his mother while loving his wife, whom he is one with, just as Jesus loved the church.

5.       Particularly, if before marriage, the wife's parents, especially the father and mother, were deeply hurt because of the mother-in-law, I believe that the husband’s heart would be greatly pained and distressed seeing his wife’s deep wounds and tears.  After such deep wounds and pain, they eventually married, but even now, seeing them suffer because of the mother-in-law, I can’t help but believe that the difficulty caused by the mother-in-law is indeed a serious family issue.

 

6.       What I am grateful for is that when the couple could not have such a sensitive conversation directly with each other (the husband told me that he couldn’t talk to his wife about those things directly), the Lord used me to help them open up their hearts and have a sincere conversation.  I was thankful and joyful about that (I believe that when I do counseling, my role is to help the couple communicate with each other through me).

 

7.       If the wife considers her mother-in-law to be at the level of a 'patient,' how can she, as a daughter-in-law, love, honor, and serve such a mother-in-law?  When I heard the wife’s words, and even the husband agreed with her, it seemed that the mother-in-law was not a normal person.  What should I have advised this couple?  When I listened to them, I thought that not only was the mother-in-law emotionally and mentally unstable, but she seemed spiritually unwell too, as a Korean church “권사”(kwonsa).  God sees the heart, and if someone is not cultivating an inner faith but rather is focused on outward appearances like the Pharisees, how can a daughter-in-law love such a mother-in-law, and how can the husband (her son) honor and love such a mother?  I truly think it is a very difficult challenge.

 

8.       So, I challenged the husband to not only stand firm in faith as the head of his household, but also to seek wisdom from God on how to wisely honor his mother in the Lord.  And I encouraged his wife (the sister) that even though her heart is deeply troubled and difficult because of her mother-in-law, she should think about the future generations (the children and grandchildren that will be born to the couple) rather than just herself.  I advised her that, as her husband said, the family environment is very important, and in order to create a home that is beautiful in the Lord's eyes, she should wisely support her husband.