We Must Help Our Children Build Frustration Tolerance!

We Must Help Our Children Build Frustration Tolerance!

As I read the article below, I started to reflect on this part:

“...It’s a process of helping the child realize that there are things they can’t do, even if they want to. There’s no need to worry about whether the child will be hurt. Professor Cho (Professor of Psychiatry at Ajou University Hospital) emphasized that ‘experiencing small frustrations early on is the path to a child’s growth.’ A child should be able to accept situations like not being able to play on the playground even if they want to, or not being able to eat a snack right away even if they want to. Small frustrations build the endurance needed to withstand bigger ones. Professor Cho called this inner strength ‘frustration tolerance.’ He said, ‘The essence of discipline is nurturing frustration tolerance, and this becomes the foundation for resilience.’”

1. I came across the term "frustration tolerance" for the first time. According to the internet, it refers to “an individual's ability to face and overcome negative experiences like hardship, failure, or frustration. In other words, it's the mental resilience to endure setbacks and keep moving toward one’s goals.”

2. “The ability to accept and overcome frustration: Not simply avoiding frustration, but recognizing the situation, managing one’s emotions, and taking steps to solve the problem.”

3. “Mental resilience: The inner strength to not give up easily even in difficult situations, and to recover and continue pursuing one’s goals.”

4. “Self-regulation: Rather than reacting impulsively or being overly emotional, it means the ability to regulate one’s emotions and calmly respond to problems.”

5. “Resilience: The ability to recover quickly from experiences of frustration and either return to one’s previous state or grow beyond it.”

6. “Frustration tolerance can especially be developed during childhood through proper discipline, and it positively impacts later social life and relationships. As children go through frustrating situations and overcome them, they can build self-esteem and a sense of self-efficacy.”

7. After writing up to number 6 and taking a short break, I saw a message from a beloved brother in Christ in a KakaoTalk group chat. When I read his message, a couple of words stood out to me — probably because he repeated them. Those words were "easily" and "decision." He mentioned that even though he’s been continually looking for a home after moving to a new place, “it's not easy to find one,” and even after seeing many houses, “he can't make a decision easily.” That’s why I started writing under the title “We Must Help Our Children Build Frustration Tolerance!” focusing on the key sentences that caught my attention in the article. I included the six internet definitions because I believe they apply to that brother’s situation as well. And not only to him — they also apply to a beloved sister in the same KakaoTalk group, and to myself in this moment too.

8.      When I say this applies to me, I mean that I’ve been living with my brother-in-law for over two months now, and both of us have been going through a difficult adjustment period with various kinds of stress. Haha. Things have gotten a little better since last week, but I still feel like we have a long way to go. Through this process, I feel that, as the article below describes, the Lord is also building up my own frustration tolerance. Living with my brother-in-law, who is on the autism spectrum, has been a first for me. Firstly, because I know so little about autism (and still have so much to learn), it's inevitable that difficult situations arise. And because of that, I keep experiencing mistakes and failures — and thus, I inevitably taste frustration. Haha.  Especially over the past two months, thanks to my brother-in-law (haha), conflicts with my wife have intensified, and we even faced what felt like a marital crisis. Having gone through something so serious, I ended up seeing just how weak my mental strength really is — and I even got a glimpse of the bottom of myself.

9. As for the brother and sister I mentioned in point "7" earlier, I imagine they’re each going through difficult circumstances as well. Because of that, I imagine they too are likely experiencing mistakes, failures, frustration, and other negative experiences, which must be mentally exhausting (at least that’s what I suspect).  But I truly believe that even in the midst of these difficult situations, the Lord is giving that brother and sister an opportunity to build up their frustration tolerance.  Not only for me, or for that brother and sister — I hope that anyone reading this who resonates with it in any way might also see their own struggles, or even crises, as a meaningful opportunity where the Lord is developing their frustration tolerance.

10. When I read the line in the article that says, “It’s a process of helping the child realize that there are things they can’t do, even if they want to,” the first person who came to mind was my brother-in-law. After living with him for over two months, I’ve come to realize that food is probably the most important thing to him. So, not only with me but even when talking to my wife, he repeatedly brings up the word “bulgogi.” (And I’m sure he’ll keep doing it. Haha). I think that’s because bulgogi is his favorite food. However, when he first mentioned bulgogi to me, I took him to a Chinese restaurant, showed him pictures of the dishes on the menu, and told him that “Cheongpa beef” was similar to bulgogi. He agreed to eat it, and I’ve already bought it for him twice in the past two weeks. The principle or lesson I realized from this is that not just for young children, but for all of us, there’s a necessary process in which we come to realize — even through deep and bitter frustration — that there are things we simply cannot do, no matter how much we want to. And in that essential process, even if deep pain, suffering, and scars are engraved onto the tablets of our hearts, we must learn that reality: There are things we want but cannot have. Right now, in my life with my brother-in-law, I’ve had to face the lowest parts of myself — and I’m going through the process of accepting that no matter how much I want him to behave a certain way, there are simply things that cannot be achieved through my own strength, efforts, training, or instruction. Haha.

11. In that process, I came face to face with myself — and tasted the deepest frustration of all: the frustration toward myself. That taste was the bitter taste of life itself. Physically, mentally, emotionally, and even spiritually, I was exhausted. I think I even experienced, for the first time in my life, shortness of breath — and nausea too. My heart felt so heavy and depressed that it was hard to endure. But the grace the Lord gave — and is still giving — is that when I hit the bottom, I had no choice but to look to Him and rely on Him alone.

12. Through that, the Lord began to restore my “self-regulation.” When I was overwhelmed by emotional ups and downs or countless impulsive thoughts, the Holy Spirit brought God’s Word to mind — and through meditating on it, the power of that Word allowed me to regulate myself, and He continues to do so even now. In addition, the Lord began to restore my mental resilience, so that in life with my brother-in-law, I wouldn’t give up so easily. He’s giving me the mental strength to keep pressing forward with the heart and mission He gave me — to see my brother-in-law as a blessing the Lord has brought into our home, and to help him live a “second life,” seeing and nurturing his potential. At the same time, through all this work of the Lord, He is also building in me the ability to accept and overcome frustration. And although I feel like my resilience is still developing slowly, I actually think this pace might be a sign that I’m recovering quite quickly. That’s why I agree with what Professor Cho said in the article: “The essence of discipline is building frustration tolerance, and frustration tolerance is the foundation of resilience.” And it made me think this: “The essence of the Lord’s discipline is to build our frustration tolerance, and that frustration tolerance becomes the foundation for our resilience.”

https://www.koreadaily.com/article/20250729023331729