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"자녀를 건강한 아이로 키우려면? 부모 자신부터 감정을 다스려라"

"자녀를 건강한 아이로 키우려면? 부모 자신부터 감정 다스려라   부모의 감정이 무엇보다 자녀의 감정에 큰 영향을 미친다 / 셔터스톡 부모라면 자녀의 감정을 존중하는 것의 중요성에 대해 들어봤을 것이다.  하지만 부모인 당신의 감정은 어떠한가? 임상 사회 복지사이자 심리 치료사인 힐러리 제이콥스 헨델과 심리학자이자 양육 교육자인 줄리 프라가 박사는 신간, 『부모도 감정이 있다(Parents Have Feelings, Too)』에서 통념을 뒤집었다.  즉, 정서적으로 건강한 아이를 양육할 수 있도록 하기 위해선 먼저 부모 자신의 감정을 다스릴 줄 알아야 한다는 것이 핵심 메시지다. 이들이 부모들에게 어떤 조언을 했는지 CNN과 함께 알아본다.  부모에게 가장 중요한 감정, '분노' 헨델은 부모가 다뤄야 할 6가지 핵심 감정으로  ▲분노 ▲슬픔 ▲두려움 ▲혐오 ▲기쁨 ▲흥분을 꼽았다. 그러면서 ‘분노’를 가장 중요한 핵심 감정으로 보았다.  그녀는 “분노는 파괴적인 잠재력을 가지고 있기 때문에 사람들을 곤경에 빠뜨리는 감정이며, 그래서 우리는 대개 그것을 묻어버린다. 그런데 이때 분노는 안으로 폭발하여 우울, 죄책감, 불안, 수치심으로 나타날 수 있다. 혹은 밖으로 폭발하여 공격성으로 표출될 수 있다.”고 설명했다.  중요한 것은 분노를 ‘행동’으로 옮기지 않고 ‘경험’하는 방법을 배우는 것이다.  이는 분노에 이름을 붙이고, 신체에서 어떻게 느껴지는지 알아차리고, 그 순간의 충동이 무엇인지를 인식하며, 궁극적으로는 그 에너지를 방출하는 것을 포함하는 내면의 과정이다.  이에 더해 헨델은 분노를 두 개의 분리된 단계로 이해할 필요성을 말했다. 분노를 경험하는 내적인 과정과 스스로와 가족에게 건설적인 방식으로 분노를 표현하는 외적인 과정이 그것이다.  한편, 프라가 박사는 엄마와 달리, 아빠들의 경우 ‘분노’라는 감정처리에 더욱 익숙하지 않다고 지적했다.  하지만 아빠들...

"Beware"

"Beware"

 

 

After performing the miracle of the seven loaves, Jesus immediately got into a boat with His disciples and went to the region of Dalmanutha.  There, the Pharisees came and began to argue with Jesus, testing Him by demanding a sign from heaven (Mark 8:10-11).  In response, Jesus sighed deeply in His spirit and said, "Why does this generation demand a sign?  I tell you the truth, no sign will be given to this generation."  After saying this, He left them, got back into the boat, and went to the other side (Mark 8:12-13) [Matthew records it like this: "When evening comes, you say, 'It will be fair weather, for the sky is red,' and in the morning, 'Today it will be stormy, for the sky is red and overcast.'  You know how to interpret the appearance of the sky, but you cannot interpret the signs of the times.  A wicked and adulterous generation asks for a sign, but none will be given it except the sign of Jonah" (Matthew 16:2-4, Korean Modern Bible)].  The disciples forgot to bring bread, so there was only one loaf in the boat. Jesus warned them, "Be careful of the yeast of the Pharisees and the yeast of Herod," and the disciples whispered among themselves, thinking, "He is saying this because we have no bread" (Mark 8:14-16, Korean Modern Bible).  Jesus, knowing what they were discussing, said, "You of little faith, why are you talking among yourselves about having no bread?  Do you still not see or understand?  Are your hearts hardened?  Do you have eyes but fail to see, and ears but fail to hear?  And don't you remember? ...  Do you still not understand?" (Mark 8:17-18, 21, Korean Modern Bible).  "Why don't you understand that I was not talking about bread?  Be on your guard against the yeast of the Pharisees and Sadducees."  Then the disciples understood that Jesus was not talking about bread, but about the teachings of the Pharisees and Sadducees (Matthew 16:11-12, Korean Modern Bible).  As I meditate on this passage, several thoughts come to mind::

 

(1)    When I meditate on the fact that the Pharisees came and argued with Jesus, testing Him by demanding a sign from heaven (Mark 8:11, Korean Modern Bible), the verse from Matthew 22:18 in the Korean Modern Bible comes to mind: "But Jesus, knowing their evil intent, said, 'You hypocrites, why are you trying to test me?'"  Even today, those in church leadership who follow a legalistic religious life are hypocrites with deceitful thoughts, testing the Lord, who is the head of the church, and causing disputes within the church through arguments.  The Bible says, "Do not put the Lord your God to the test" (Deuteronomy 6:16; Luke 4:12, Korean Modern Bible).  The Bible also says, "Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the body is weak" (Matthew 26:41, Korean Modern Bible).

 

(2)    When I meditate on Jesus' words, "Why does this generation demand a sign?" (Mark 8:12, Korean Modern Bible), and "You know how to interpret the appearance of the sky, but why can't you interpret the signs of the times?  A wicked and adulterous generation asks for a sign, but none will be given it except the sign of Jonah" (Matthew 16:3-4, Korean Modern Bible), I think of the phrase "wicked and adulterous generation."  A generation that is corrupt in heart and depraved, committing unbelief and sin against God, has lost the ability to discern the "signs of the times."  These people, like the Pharisees, who have lost their purity and the ability to perceive the truth due to prejudice and dogmatism, have already been given enough signs and teachings, yet they continue to ask for signs with evil intent (Hokma). It seems that Jesus deeply sighed in His spirit because of this. Here is a verse from Isaiah 24:16, Contemporary Bible: "At that time, we will hear songs of praise to the Righteous One from the distant parts of the world.  But still, evil will prevail, and betrayal will be everywhere, so I cannot help but groan."

 

(3)    When Jesus warned His disciples, "Beware of the yeast of the Pharisees and the yeast of Herod," the disciples were so dull in heart that they could neither understand nor grasp the meaning of His warning (Mark 8:15, 17).  So, Jesus said to them, "You of little faith" (Matthew 16:8), "Why don't you understand that I was not talking about bread?  Be on your guard against the yeast of the Pharisees and the Sadducees."  Then the disciples realized that Jesus was not talking about the yeast of bread, but about the teachings of the Pharisees and Sadducees (Matthew 16:11-12).  As I meditate on this passage, I reflect that if we, too, become "dull in heart" (Luke 21:34, Korean Modern Bible) due to living in excess, drunkenness, or the worries of life, Jesus would warn us to "beware of the teachings of the hypocrites" (Matthew 16:12, Korean Modern Bible), to "beware of all kinds of greed" (Luke 12:15, Korean Modern Bible), to "be on your guard, or your hearts will be weighed down with carousing, drunkenness, and the anxieties of life, and that day will close on you unexpectedly like a trap" (21:34, Korean Modern Bible), to "be careful not to do your acts of righteousness before men, to be seen by them.  If you do, you will have no reward from your Father in heaven" (Matthew 6:1, Korean Modern Bible), to "be careful not to look down on one of these little ones.  For I tell you that their angels in heaven always see the face of my Father in heaven" (18:10, Korean Modern Bible), to "be on your guard. If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him" (Luke 17:3, Korean Modern Bible), to "be on your guard.  They will hand you over to the local councils and flog you in their synagogues" (Matthew 10:17, Korean Modern Bible), and to "be on your guard. I have told you everything in advance" (Mark 13:23, Korean Modern Bible).  Yet, even when these warnings are given to us, we are not only unable to understand them, but also unable to grasp their meaning.

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