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"자녀를 건강한 아이로 키우려면? 부모 자신부터 감정을 다스려라"

"자녀를 건강한 아이로 키우려면? 부모 자신부터 감정 다스려라   부모의 감정이 무엇보다 자녀의 감정에 큰 영향을 미친다 / 셔터스톡 부모라면 자녀의 감정을 존중하는 것의 중요성에 대해 들어봤을 것이다.  하지만 부모인 당신의 감정은 어떠한가? 임상 사회 복지사이자 심리 치료사인 힐러리 제이콥스 헨델과 심리학자이자 양육 교육자인 줄리 프라가 박사는 신간, 『부모도 감정이 있다(Parents Have Feelings, Too)』에서 통념을 뒤집었다.  즉, 정서적으로 건강한 아이를 양육할 수 있도록 하기 위해선 먼저 부모 자신의 감정을 다스릴 줄 알아야 한다는 것이 핵심 메시지다. 이들이 부모들에게 어떤 조언을 했는지 CNN과 함께 알아본다.  부모에게 가장 중요한 감정, '분노' 헨델은 부모가 다뤄야 할 6가지 핵심 감정으로  ▲분노 ▲슬픔 ▲두려움 ▲혐오 ▲기쁨 ▲흥분을 꼽았다. 그러면서 ‘분노’를 가장 중요한 핵심 감정으로 보았다.  그녀는 “분노는 파괴적인 잠재력을 가지고 있기 때문에 사람들을 곤경에 빠뜨리는 감정이며, 그래서 우리는 대개 그것을 묻어버린다. 그런데 이때 분노는 안으로 폭발하여 우울, 죄책감, 불안, 수치심으로 나타날 수 있다. 혹은 밖으로 폭발하여 공격성으로 표출될 수 있다.”고 설명했다.  중요한 것은 분노를 ‘행동’으로 옮기지 않고 ‘경험’하는 방법을 배우는 것이다.  이는 분노에 이름을 붙이고, 신체에서 어떻게 느껴지는지 알아차리고, 그 순간의 충동이 무엇인지를 인식하며, 궁극적으로는 그 에너지를 방출하는 것을 포함하는 내면의 과정이다.  이에 더해 헨델은 분노를 두 개의 분리된 단계로 이해할 필요성을 말했다. 분노를 경험하는 내적인 과정과 스스로와 가족에게 건설적인 방식으로 분노를 표현하는 외적인 과정이 그것이다.  한편, 프라가 박사는 엄마와 달리, 아빠들의 경우 ‘분노’라는 감정처리에 더욱 익숙하지 않다고 지적했다.  하지만 아빠들...

The importance of promises

The importance of promises

 

 

When the news of Jesus spread widely, even reaching the ears of King Herod, people began saying that Jesus was "the resurrected John the Baptist" and that this was why He had the power to perform miracles.  Herod himself said, "The John whom I beheaded has been raised from the dead" (Mark 6:14-16, Korean Modern Bible).  From their perspective, the reason they thought this way was because Jesus had been healing the sick and casting out demons, performing miraculous signs.  In their view, anyone who possessed such power must have had a connection with someone like the prophet Elijah (v. 15), or perhaps someone more recent, such as John the Baptist.  Especially from King Herod's perspective, upon hearing the rumors about Jesus, when he said that John, whom he had beheaded, had come back to life, it was inevitable that memories of his previous encounters with John would resurface.  These memories included the rebuke John had given him for marrying his brother Philip's wife, Herodias, and saying that it was wrong (vv. 17-18).  As a result, Herodias harbored a grudge and sought to have John killed, but because Herod feared John, thinking of him as a righteous and holy man, he had protected him and did not allow this to happen (Mark 6:19).  An interesting detail is that, despite his discomfort at hearing John’s rebukes, King Herod still enjoyed listening to him (v. 19).  How could someone who was rebuked for their wrongdoing still take pleasure in listening to the person who had rebuked them?  Amid this situation, "a good opportunity" arose for Herodias.  This "good opportunity" came when "Herod held a banquet on his birthday, inviting the nobles, the military commanders, and the prominent men of Galilee.  When the daughter of Herodias entered and danced, she pleased Herod and his guests.  The king said to the girl, 'Ask me for anything you want, and I will give it to you. I will even give you up to half my kingdom'" (vv. 21-22).  The girl then asked her mother, "What should I ask for?" (v. 24).  Just as Herodias, who sought to destroy John, was waiting for the "good opportunity," Satan's agents, like Herodias, are always looking for chances to attack and bring us down.  For example, during the reign of King Darius, there were three administrators, and the other two, who were clever and excelled in all matters, looked for a way to accuse Daniel, the prime minister, of doing something wrong in his official duties (Daniel 6:1-4).  This reminds me of the latter half of Genesis 4:7: “… If you do what is right, will you not be accepted?  But if you do not do what is right, sin is crouching at your door; it desires to have you, but you must rule over it” (Korean Modern Bible).

 

When Herodias answered her daughter, who came to her and asked, “What should I ask for?”, she said, "Ask for the head of John the Baptist."  The daughter hurried to the king and said, “I want you to give me the head of John the Baptist on a platter right now” (Mark 6:24-25, Korean Modern Bible).  As I reflected on this passage, I was reminded of the story in the book of Esther, where King Xerxes said to Esther three times: “What is your request?  Even up to half the kingdom, it will be given to you” (Esther 5:3), “What is your petition?  It will be given to you.  What is your request?  Even up to half the kingdom, it will be granted” (6:6), “What is your request? It will be given to you.  What is your petition?  Even up to half the kingdom, it will be granted” (7:2).  But how starkly different are the women Esther and Herodias!  In brief, Esther is a precious and noble daughter of God, while Herodias is the wicked daughter of Satan.  When I think of Herodias, the evil daughter of Satan, who is controlled by her mother and obediently follows her mother's commands without question, I feel deep sympathy for her daughter.  I wonder how many daughters in this world are enduring such suffering in relationships with their mothers, similar to the one between Herodias and her daughter.

 

When King Herod heard the request, “Give me the head of John the Baptist on a platter right now,” he was deeply distressed.  However, because of the promise he had made and the guests sitting at the banquet, he could not refuse the girl’s request.  He immediately sent the executioner to behead John and bring his head on a platter.  The executioner went to the prison, beheaded John, brought the head on a platter, and gave it to the girl. She then gave it to her mother, Herodias (Mark 6:25-28).  When John’s disciples heard this news, they took his body, buried it, and mourned (v. 29).  As I meditated on this passage, I reflected on the importance of promises.  King Herod, though deeply distressed, could not break the promise he made to Herodias' daughter and kept it.  Of course, the reason was also due to the guests sitting at the banquet (v. 26).  However, Herod had previously been deeply distressed when he listened to John’s words but enjoyed hearing them (v. 19).  When comparing his distress at hearing John’s words to the great distress he felt at hearing the request for John’s head, it seems clear that King Herod was more deeply distressed by the words of Herodias, the daughter of Satan, spoken through her daughter, than by the words of God through John.  Therefore, he chose to obey the words of Satan rather than God’s words.  I believe this is not only true of King Herod but also of us. We, too, hear the words of God, who is truth, and the words of Satan, the father of lies. And like King Herod, we can sometimes be deeply distressed.  However, in the end, rather than obeying God’s word when we are convicted by it, we often, in our distress, listen to Satan’s lies and are deceived by them, following them.  The number of times we have done this might be countless.

 


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