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"자녀를 건강한 아이로 키우려면? 부모 자신부터 감정을 다스려라"

"자녀를 건강한 아이로 키우려면? 부모 자신부터 감정 다스려라   부모의 감정이 무엇보다 자녀의 감정에 큰 영향을 미친다 / 셔터스톡 부모라면 자녀의 감정을 존중하는 것의 중요성에 대해 들어봤을 것이다.  하지만 부모인 당신의 감정은 어떠한가? 임상 사회 복지사이자 심리 치료사인 힐러리 제이콥스 헨델과 심리학자이자 양육 교육자인 줄리 프라가 박사는 신간, 『부모도 감정이 있다(Parents Have Feelings, Too)』에서 통념을 뒤집었다.  즉, 정서적으로 건강한 아이를 양육할 수 있도록 하기 위해선 먼저 부모 자신의 감정을 다스릴 줄 알아야 한다는 것이 핵심 메시지다. 이들이 부모들에게 어떤 조언을 했는지 CNN과 함께 알아본다.  부모에게 가장 중요한 감정, '분노' 헨델은 부모가 다뤄야 할 6가지 핵심 감정으로  ▲분노 ▲슬픔 ▲두려움 ▲혐오 ▲기쁨 ▲흥분을 꼽았다. 그러면서 ‘분노’를 가장 중요한 핵심 감정으로 보았다.  그녀는 “분노는 파괴적인 잠재력을 가지고 있기 때문에 사람들을 곤경에 빠뜨리는 감정이며, 그래서 우리는 대개 그것을 묻어버린다. 그런데 이때 분노는 안으로 폭발하여 우울, 죄책감, 불안, 수치심으로 나타날 수 있다. 혹은 밖으로 폭발하여 공격성으로 표출될 수 있다.”고 설명했다.  중요한 것은 분노를 ‘행동’으로 옮기지 않고 ‘경험’하는 방법을 배우는 것이다.  이는 분노에 이름을 붙이고, 신체에서 어떻게 느껴지는지 알아차리고, 그 순간의 충동이 무엇인지를 인식하며, 궁극적으로는 그 에너지를 방출하는 것을 포함하는 내면의 과정이다.  이에 더해 헨델은 분노를 두 개의 분리된 단계로 이해할 필요성을 말했다. 분노를 경험하는 내적인 과정과 스스로와 가족에게 건설적인 방식으로 분노를 표현하는 외적인 과정이 그것이다.  한편, 프라가 박사는 엄마와 달리, 아빠들의 경우 ‘분노’라는 감정처리에 더욱 익숙하지 않다고 지적했다.  하지만 아빠들...

Irresponsible church leaders who do not realize their own sins are making the sinless Jesus into a sinner.

Irresponsible church leaders who do not realize their own sins are making the sinless Jesus into a sinner.

 

 

During the festival, it was customary for the governor to release one prisoner that the people desired.  Pilate, the governor, asked the gathered crowd whether he should release Barabbas, the notorious prisoner, or Jesus Christ.  The reason Pilate asked this was because he knew that the Jewish leaders had handed Jesus over to him out of envy.  In this process, Pilate’s wife sent a message to him, saying, “Have nothing to do with that innocent man, for I have suffered a great deal today in a dream because of him.”  Meanwhile, the chief priests and elders persuaded the crowd to ask for Barabbas to be released and for Jesus to be crucified.  As a result, Pilate listened to the crowd, who shouted, “Release Barabbas!” rather than listening to his wife.  Even though Pilate knew that Jesus was innocent, he succumbed to the crowd’s cries, “Crucify Him!”  He thought it would be futile to resist, and he feared that a riot might break out.  So, Pilate washed his hands in front of the crowd and said, “I am innocent of this man’s blood.  It is your responsibility!”  All the people answered, “Let His blood be on us and on our children!”  Then Pilate released Barabbas to them, had Jesus flogged, and handed Him over to be crucified (Matthew 27:15-26, Korean Modern Bible).  As I reflect on this passage, several thoughts come to mind:

 

(1)    I think the motive of the chief priests and elders who released the infamous criminal Barabbas and crucified Jesus was “envy.” They must have been so jealous of Jesus that they crucified the innocent Jesus and released the infamous criminal Barabbas from prison. I think that envy is very dangerous. The latter half of Proverbs 14:30 Korean Modern Bible says “… Envy rots the joints.”

 

(2)    Pilate, the governor, knew very well that the Jewish leaders handed Jesus over to him out of envy, and he also knew through his wife that he should have no part in condemning the innocent Jesus.  Yet, he chose to release the notorious prisoner Barabbas and handed Jesus over to be flogged and crucified.  The reason for this was that Pilate felt it would be "a futile act with no effect (result), and he feared that a riot might break out" (Matthew 27:24, Korean Modern Bible).  What was it that Pilate, who governed Judea, hoped to achieve?  Perhaps, like King Herod, who after killing James saw that the Jews were pleased and thus sought to arrest Peter (Acts 12:1-3), Pilate also handed Jesus over to be crucified because he saw that the Jews were happy about it.  A leader who seeks to please people rather than uphold justice is already a corrupt leader. Church leaders, who are called by God to deliver the good news (gospel), do not aim to please people but to please God, who searches our hearts (1 Thessalonians 2:4).

 

(3)    Pilate, the governor, said in front of the crowd that he was not guilty of Jesus' death and that they were responsible for it (Matthew 27:24).  How could he, after handing Jesus over to be flogged and crucified as the crowd desired, still claim that he was not guilty of Jesus' death?  How could he shift the responsibility to the people of Judah instead of taking responsibility himself?  I believe that a church leader who fails to recognize their own sins is making the innocent Jesus appear guilty.


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