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"자녀를 건강한 아이로 키우려면? 부모 자신부터 감정을 다스려라"

"자녀를 건강한 아이로 키우려면? 부모 자신부터 감정 다스려라   부모의 감정이 무엇보다 자녀의 감정에 큰 영향을 미친다 / 셔터스톡 부모라면 자녀의 감정을 존중하는 것의 중요성에 대해 들어봤을 것이다.  하지만 부모인 당신의 감정은 어떠한가? 임상 사회 복지사이자 심리 치료사인 힐러리 제이콥스 헨델과 심리학자이자 양육 교육자인 줄리 프라가 박사는 신간, 『부모도 감정이 있다(Parents Have Feelings, Too)』에서 통념을 뒤집었다.  즉, 정서적으로 건강한 아이를 양육할 수 있도록 하기 위해선 먼저 부모 자신의 감정을 다스릴 줄 알아야 한다는 것이 핵심 메시지다. 이들이 부모들에게 어떤 조언을 했는지 CNN과 함께 알아본다.  부모에게 가장 중요한 감정, '분노' 헨델은 부모가 다뤄야 할 6가지 핵심 감정으로  ▲분노 ▲슬픔 ▲두려움 ▲혐오 ▲기쁨 ▲흥분을 꼽았다. 그러면서 ‘분노’를 가장 중요한 핵심 감정으로 보았다.  그녀는 “분노는 파괴적인 잠재력을 가지고 있기 때문에 사람들을 곤경에 빠뜨리는 감정이며, 그래서 우리는 대개 그것을 묻어버린다. 그런데 이때 분노는 안으로 폭발하여 우울, 죄책감, 불안, 수치심으로 나타날 수 있다. 혹은 밖으로 폭발하여 공격성으로 표출될 수 있다.”고 설명했다.  중요한 것은 분노를 ‘행동’으로 옮기지 않고 ‘경험’하는 방법을 배우는 것이다.  이는 분노에 이름을 붙이고, 신체에서 어떻게 느껴지는지 알아차리고, 그 순간의 충동이 무엇인지를 인식하며, 궁극적으로는 그 에너지를 방출하는 것을 포함하는 내면의 과정이다.  이에 더해 헨델은 분노를 두 개의 분리된 단계로 이해할 필요성을 말했다. 분노를 경험하는 내적인 과정과 스스로와 가족에게 건설적인 방식으로 분노를 표현하는 외적인 과정이 그것이다.  한편, 프라가 박사는 엄마와 달리, 아빠들의 경우 ‘분노’라는 감정처리에 더욱 익숙하지 않다고 지적했다.  하지만 아빠들...

I pray that the amazing healing work of the Lord's "Ephphatha" will occur for those saints who are currently unable to hear or speak properly.

I pray that the amazing healing work of the Lord's "Ephphatha" will occur for those saints who are currently unable to hear or speak properly.

 

 

When Jesus returned from the region of Tyre to the Sea of Galilee, people brought to Him a man who was deaf and had a speech impediment, begging Him to lay His hands on him.  So, Jesus took the man aside, away from the crowd, and put His fingers in the man's ears.  Then He spat and touched the man's tongue.  After looking up to heaven, He sighed and said to him, "Ephphatha" (which means "Be opened").  Immediately, the man's ears were opened, his tongue was loosened, and he began to speak plainly.  Jesus commanded them not to tell anyone, but the more He told them, the more they spread the news.  People were amazed and said, "He has done everything well.  He even makes the deaf hear and the mute speak!" (Mark 7:31-37, Korean Modern Bible).  As I meditate on this passage, several thoughts come to mind:

 

(1)    When I meditate on the fact that people brought a deaf and mute man to Jesus and begged Him to lay His hands on him (v 32, Korean Modern Bible), I have three thoughts:

 

(a)     The "deaf and mute man" had both ears that couldn't hear, which is why Jesus "put His fingers into his ears" (v 33, Korean Modern Bible).  From the fact that he is described as "mute," it seems that he was not completely unable to speak, but rather "had a language impairment" (Chokmah). In modern terms, this man appears to have been someone with both hearing and speech disabilities (Internet).  The reason why someone with hearing impairment also has a speech disability is because "simply put, it's because they can't hear.  Since they can't hear, even though they know the words, they can't make the sounds of those words. ... To speak is the same as producing sound.  When you lose hearing, you can't hear the sounds.  Even if you remember the pronunciation of words, it's not easy to produce those sounds if you can't hear them" (Internet).

 

(b)    When I meditate on the fact that "people brought a deaf and mute man to Jesus," I am reminded of the passage where "four men carried a paralyzed man to Jesus" and "dug through the roof where He was staying and lowered the mat the man was lying on" (Mark 2:3-4, Korean Modern Bible).  "When Jesus saw their faith, He said to the paralyzed man, 'Son, your sins are forgiven'" (v 5, Korean Modern Bible).  Just like these four men, I believe that the "people" who brought the deaf and mute man to Jesus did so out of faith.  Therefore, I think Jesus healed the deaf and mute man because of their faith.  I believe it is a great grace, love, and blessing from God that such people are praying to the Lord on our behalf.

 

(c)     When I meditate on the fact that "the people" pleaded with Jesus to "lay His hands" on "a deaf and mute man" (Mark 7:32, Korean Modern Bible), I am reminded of the passage where "a woman whose daughter had an unclean spirit" "fell at Jesus' feet" and "begged Him to cast the demon out of her daughter" (vv 25-26, Korean Modern Bible).  The word 'begged' here is described as “an imperfect tense, dramatically portraying the scene where the mother is repeatedly pleading with Jesus, hoping for the healing of her daughter" (Chokmah).  Based on this, I think the people who brought the deaf and mute man to Jesus and asked Him to lay His hands on him were also pleading with Jesus repeatedly, hoping for his healing. I am reminded of the teaching in Luke 18, where Jesus used a parable to teach His disciples to always pray and not lose heart (v 1): "For a while the judge refused, but finally he said to himself, 'Even though I don’t fear God or care about people, yet because this widow keeps bothering me, I will see that she gets justice, so that she won’t eventually come and attack me!'" (vv 4-5, Korean Modern Bible).  If even the judge, who neither feared God nor cared about people (v 2), granted the widow's plea, how much more will our Heavenly Father, who chose us, listen to our cries day and night (v 7)?  One thing I continually plead with God is "that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord and to meditate in His temple" (Psalms 27:4, Korean Modern Bible).

 

(2)    When I meditate on the passage where Jesus took the deaf and mute man aside, put His fingers in his ears, spat on His fingers, touched his tongue, and said, "Ephphatha," which means "Be opened" (Mark 7:33-34), I have three thoughts:

 

(a)     The healing action in which Jesus "put His fingers in his ears and spat on His fingers to touch his tongue" is said to have been a method commonly used by Greek and Jewish doctors at that time (Taylor, Chokmah).  An example of a similar act is found in John 9:6-7 in the Korean Modern Bible: "After saying this, Jesus spat on the ground, made some mud with the saliva, and put it on the blind man’s eyes. 'Go,' He told him, 'wash in the Pool of Siloam' (this word means 'Sent').  So, the man went and washed, and came home seeing."

 

(b)    When I meditate on the verse where Jesus "looked up to heaven and sighed" (Mark 7:34), I remember a sermon preached by our senior pastor during a Wednesday service, based on Romans 8:19-27, titled "Three 'Groans.'"  The "three 'groans'" refer to (1) the groaning of creation (v. 22), (2) our groaning (v. 23), and (3) the "groaning of the Holy Spirit": "In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness.  We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans" (v. 26).  The reason Jesus sighed and looked up to heaven before healing the deaf and mute man might be because Jesus was "sharing in the suffering" with him (Ref.: v 22), and also because He longed for the "redemption of our bodies" (Ref.: v. 23).  One interesting point is that before performing the miracle of the five loaves and two fish, Jesus "looked up to heaven and gave thanks" [“prayed a prayer of thanksgiving” (Korean Modern Bible)] (Mark 6:41), but before healing the deaf and mute man, He "looked up to heaven and sighed" (7:34).

 

(c)     When Jesus cried out “Ephphatha” (meaning “be opened”) to the deaf and mute man, “immediately his ears were opened, his tongue was loosed, and he began to speak clearly” (vv. 34-35, Korean Modern Bible), I pray that the Lord’s amazing healing work of “Ephphatha” will happen to the saints who are deaf or who cannot speak properly.


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