기본 콘텐츠로 건너뛰기

"자녀를 건강한 아이로 키우려면? 부모 자신부터 감정을 다스려라"

"자녀를 건강한 아이로 키우려면? 부모 자신부터 감정 다스려라   부모의 감정이 무엇보다 자녀의 감정에 큰 영향을 미친다 / 셔터스톡 부모라면 자녀의 감정을 존중하는 것의 중요성에 대해 들어봤을 것이다.  하지만 부모인 당신의 감정은 어떠한가? 임상 사회 복지사이자 심리 치료사인 힐러리 제이콥스 헨델과 심리학자이자 양육 교육자인 줄리 프라가 박사는 신간, 『부모도 감정이 있다(Parents Have Feelings, Too)』에서 통념을 뒤집었다.  즉, 정서적으로 건강한 아이를 양육할 수 있도록 하기 위해선 먼저 부모 자신의 감정을 다스릴 줄 알아야 한다는 것이 핵심 메시지다. 이들이 부모들에게 어떤 조언을 했는지 CNN과 함께 알아본다.  부모에게 가장 중요한 감정, '분노' 헨델은 부모가 다뤄야 할 6가지 핵심 감정으로  ▲분노 ▲슬픔 ▲두려움 ▲혐오 ▲기쁨 ▲흥분을 꼽았다. 그러면서 ‘분노’를 가장 중요한 핵심 감정으로 보았다.  그녀는 “분노는 파괴적인 잠재력을 가지고 있기 때문에 사람들을 곤경에 빠뜨리는 감정이며, 그래서 우리는 대개 그것을 묻어버린다. 그런데 이때 분노는 안으로 폭발하여 우울, 죄책감, 불안, 수치심으로 나타날 수 있다. 혹은 밖으로 폭발하여 공격성으로 표출될 수 있다.”고 설명했다.  중요한 것은 분노를 ‘행동’으로 옮기지 않고 ‘경험’하는 방법을 배우는 것이다.  이는 분노에 이름을 붙이고, 신체에서 어떻게 느껴지는지 알아차리고, 그 순간의 충동이 무엇인지를 인식하며, 궁극적으로는 그 에너지를 방출하는 것을 포함하는 내면의 과정이다.  이에 더해 헨델은 분노를 두 개의 분리된 단계로 이해할 필요성을 말했다. 분노를 경험하는 내적인 과정과 스스로와 가족에게 건설적인 방식으로 분노를 표현하는 외적인 과정이 그것이다.  한편, 프라가 박사는 엄마와 달리, 아빠들의 경우 ‘분노’라는 감정처리에 더욱 익숙하지 않다고 지적했다.  하지만 아빠들...

May the amazing miracles of Jesus happen to the beloved sick people whom “The Elephants” pray for with faith.

May the amazing miracles of Jesus happen to the beloved sick people whom “The Elephants” pray for with faith.

 

 

As Jesus was preaching the word of God to the crowd of people who had gathered in the house, so crowded that they could not even get in, four men came to Jesus carrying a paralyzed man.  Because they could not get him to Jesus because of the crowd, they tore down the roof over the place where Jesus was and lowered the man on a mat.  When Jesus saw their faith, he said to the paralyzed man, “Son, your sins are forgiven” (Mark 2:2-5, Korean Modern Bible).  When I meditate on this passage, several thoughts come to mind:

 

(1)    When I think about the four people who carried the paralyzed man on a mat and brought him to Jesus, I suddenly remembered something my late cousin, who battled cancer in her life, once said to me.  As far as I can recall, she said, “The Elephants.”  The meaning of “The Elephants” is, "Like the elephants that surround a birthing elephant and fight off predators during the birth process, praying believers who immediately surround you in prayer during a crisis provide protection in the spiritual warfare that ambushes us all at times” (Internet).  Our cousin was a woman blessed with friends like that.  I believe that the four people who helped the paralyzed man were “The Elephants” to him.  Like them, may we also become “The Elephants” for family members, friends, brothers and sisters in Christ, or those we are trying to reach with the gospel who are battling cancer or going through tough times, surrounding them with prayer in faith, love, and hope, showing Jesus’ love for His friends (Ref.: Romans 5:8, Korean Modern Bible).

 

(2)    The four people, when they couldn't bring the paralyzed man to Jesus because the house was too crowded, dug through the roof where Jesus was and lowered the mat on which the man was lying, became even more vivid in my meditation as I read the interpretation from the Hokma Commentary: “The four companions did not give up and did their utmost.  In the end, they took the most proactive action, though it was a roundabout way.  They carried the patient up through the outside staircase to the roof, tore off the roof, and lowered the patient to where Jesus was.  Meanwhile, a typical Palestinian working-class house was usually a small, single-room structure made of mud bricks with a flat roof.  The roof would have an outside staircase, making it possible to climb onto the roof.   The roof was typically constructed by laying beams made of wood, then covering them with straw, and filling the gaps with dirt to keep out the rain. Occasionally, tiles would be placed on top of the beams, with straw and dirt placed on top of the tiles (see 'The Structure of Palestinian Homes in Jesus' Time' in the Sermon on Mark 2:1-28).  Therefore, the people who took the paralyzed man onto the roof would have removed the dirt, straw, lime, planks, and tiles covering the roof (which would have certainly caused dust to fall into the house) and then lowered the patient through the now-exposed beams" (Hokma).  Reflecting on this, I realize how precious the dedicated efforts of those four people were.  Especially, I think about how desperately they must have wanted the paralyzed man to meet Jesus and be healed.  I believe their hearts were like those of “The Elephants," the brothers and sisters who fervently prayed for our beloved cousin, Christie, with the love of the Lord.  I think that when those four people tore off the roof to lower the paralyzed man before Jesus, they must have been prepared to pay for the repairs to the roof to the house owner.  And indeed, the “Elephants” who prayed for Christie also showed great love by financially supporting Christie, her husband, and their five children. I am deeply grateful for that.

 

(3)    Even though Jesus saw and knew the dedicated efforts of those four people, the Bible says, “When Jesus saw their faith…” (Mark 2:5, Korean Modern Bible).  As I meditate on this verse, I remember the words of the Apostle James in James 2:14-26, where he encourages us to have a ‘faith that is accompanied by actions’: “What good is it, my brothers and sisters, if someone claims to have faith but has no deeds?  Can such faith save them?  Suppose a brother or a sister is without clothes and daily food.  If one of you says to them, ‘Go in peace; keep warm and well fed,’ but does nothing about their physical needs, what good is it?  In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead” (James 2:14-17, Korean Modern Bible).  I believe that when Jesus saw the four people who tore off the roof and lowered the paralyzed man on a mat before Him, He saw a living faith in their actions.  And then Jesus said to the paralyzed man, “Son, your sins are forgiven” (Mark 2:5).  However, I think this may not have been the first thing the four people wanted to hear.  Perhaps, they were expecting Jesus to say, “Get up, take your mat, and walk” (Mark 2:9, Korean Modern Bible), because just as those who pray as “The Elephants” for someone battling cancer would most earnestly want the Lord to heal that person’s cancer, these four people might have also wanted the physical healing to come first.  But why did Jesus say to the paralyzed man, "Son, your sins are forgiven"?  From our perspective, physical healing is the urgent need, but from the Lord's perspective, forgiving our sins is the priority.  Ultimately, after forgiving the man's sins, Jesus told him, "Get up, take your mat and go home," and the man "got up, took his mat, and walked out in full view of them all" (Mark 2:11-12, Korean Modern Bible).  The paralyzed man, who had been brought in on a mat through the roof with the help of those four people, was now walking out of the house on his own two feet. Ha-ha.  I pray that the same miraculous works of forgiveness and healing performed by Jesus may arise for those we love who are battling illness, as the "Elephants" pray in faith for their loved ones.


댓글