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"자녀를 건강한 아이로 키우려면? 부모 자신부터 감정을 다스려라"

"자녀를 건강한 아이로 키우려면? 부모 자신부터 감정 다스려라   부모의 감정이 무엇보다 자녀의 감정에 큰 영향을 미친다 / 셔터스톡 부모라면 자녀의 감정을 존중하는 것의 중요성에 대해 들어봤을 것이다.  하지만 부모인 당신의 감정은 어떠한가? 임상 사회 복지사이자 심리 치료사인 힐러리 제이콥스 헨델과 심리학자이자 양육 교육자인 줄리 프라가 박사는 신간, 『부모도 감정이 있다(Parents Have Feelings, Too)』에서 통념을 뒤집었다.  즉, 정서적으로 건강한 아이를 양육할 수 있도록 하기 위해선 먼저 부모 자신의 감정을 다스릴 줄 알아야 한다는 것이 핵심 메시지다. 이들이 부모들에게 어떤 조언을 했는지 CNN과 함께 알아본다.  부모에게 가장 중요한 감정, '분노' 헨델은 부모가 다뤄야 할 6가지 핵심 감정으로  ▲분노 ▲슬픔 ▲두려움 ▲혐오 ▲기쁨 ▲흥분을 꼽았다. 그러면서 ‘분노’를 가장 중요한 핵심 감정으로 보았다.  그녀는 “분노는 파괴적인 잠재력을 가지고 있기 때문에 사람들을 곤경에 빠뜨리는 감정이며, 그래서 우리는 대개 그것을 묻어버린다. 그런데 이때 분노는 안으로 폭발하여 우울, 죄책감, 불안, 수치심으로 나타날 수 있다. 혹은 밖으로 폭발하여 공격성으로 표출될 수 있다.”고 설명했다.  중요한 것은 분노를 ‘행동’으로 옮기지 않고 ‘경험’하는 방법을 배우는 것이다.  이는 분노에 이름을 붙이고, 신체에서 어떻게 느껴지는지 알아차리고, 그 순간의 충동이 무엇인지를 인식하며, 궁극적으로는 그 에너지를 방출하는 것을 포함하는 내면의 과정이다.  이에 더해 헨델은 분노를 두 개의 분리된 단계로 이해할 필요성을 말했다. 분노를 경험하는 내적인 과정과 스스로와 가족에게 건설적인 방식으로 분노를 표현하는 외적인 과정이 그것이다.  한편, 프라가 박사는 엄마와 달리, 아빠들의 경우 ‘분노’라는 감정처리에 더욱 익숙하지 않다고 지적했다.  하지만 아빠들...

Silence is when we listen only to the voice of God, whom we rely on, and humbly obey His words in faith.  

Silence is when we listen only to the voice of God,

whom we rely on, and humbly obey His words in faith.

 

 

The high priests and the Jewish council (Sanhedrin) sought evidence to condemn Jesus to death.  Many people came forward and gave false testimony, but they could not find any substantial evidence.  Finally, two people came forward and testified, saying, "This man claimed he could destroy God's temple and rebuild it in three days."  The high priest stood up and asked Jesus, "Why do you not answer?  What is this testimony these men are bringing against you?"  But Jesus remained silent and did not respond (Matthew 26:59-63, Korean Modern Bible).  As I reflected on this passage, several thoughts came to mind:

 

(1)    When I think of the high priests and the Jewish council seeking evidence to condemn Jesus, I believe this is the fulfillment of Jesus' words in Matthew 20:18: "We are going up to Jerusalem, and the Son of Man will be delivered over to the chief priests and the teachers of the law.  They will condemn him to death ..." (Korean Modern Bible).  They wanted Jesus to be sentenced to death and crucified. 

 

(2)    Apostle Peter said to Jesus, "Lord, I am ready to go with you to prison and to death" (Luke 22:33, Korean Modern Bible), but he fled and then returned, following Jesus at a distance to see how things were unfolding (Matthew 26:56, 58).  However, Apostle Paul not only felt as if he had been sentenced to death (2 Corinthians 1:9), but even though he had "done nothing deserving of death or imprisonment" (Acts 26:31, Korean Modern Bible), he actually ended up in the lowest position, like a prisoner on death row (1 Corinthians 4:9).  When he was accused by Jews from Jerusalem of various crimes, he said, "If I am guilty of doing anything deserving of death, I do not refuse to die" (Acts 25:7, 11, Korean Modern Bible).  The reason Apostle Paul could say this was because he relied not on himself, but solely on God, who raises the dead (2 Corinthians 1:9).  God is the one who hears the groans of those imprisoned and frees those sentenced to death! (Ref.: Psalms 102:20).

 

(3)    When I reflect on the verse, "Many people came and gave false testimony, but they could not find any substantial evidence" (Matthew 26:60, Korean Modern Bible), I agree with the verse, "A false witness only tells lies" (Proverbs 12:17, Korean Modern Bible).  What comes out of the heart of a false witness are "evil thoughts, murder, adultery, immorality, theft, false testimony, and slander" (Matthew 15:19, Korean Modern Bible).  A person who gives false testimony is like someone who harms their neighbor with a club, a sword, or a sharp arrow (Proverbs 25:18).  Those who oppose us will give false testimony against us (Ref.: Psalms 27:12).  They will accuse us of things we did not even know about (Ref.: 35:11), and they will make false statements about us (Ref.: Proverbs 24:28).  The Bible clearly says, "Do not give false testimony against your neighbor" (Exodus 20:16, Korean Modern Bible).  Those who give false testimony and falsely accuse the innocent will be punished by God (Ref.: Isaiah 29:21).


(4)    Many people gave false testimony, but the last two individuals provided testimony that could lead to substantial evidence against Jesus.  Their testimony was, "This man said that he could destroy God's temple and rebuild it in three days" (Matthew 26:60-61, Korean Modern Bible).  In fact, Jesus had said, "Destroy this temple, and I will raise it again in three days" (John 2:19, Korean Modern Bible).  However, neither the Jews who heard these words (v 18) nor the two men who gave testimony against Jesus (Matthew 26:60) knew the truth: "The temple Jesus was referring to was His own body" (John 2:21, Korean Modern Bible) [Jesus' disciples did not remember this statement until after Jesus' death and resurrection, and only then did they believe in the Scriptures and the words Jesus had spoken (v 22)].  Therefore, both the two witnesses and the high priests and the Jewish council, as well as all the Jews who accused Jesus, believed that He had committed the sin of blasphemy against God's temple.  The reason was that, in the Old Testament, the temple was the place where God's name dwelt, and when Jesus said to destroy the temple, it was seen as a blasphemy against the temple and, by extension, as a crime against God's name, which was considered sacrilege (Jeong-Hyun Lee).

 

(5)    Even though two people were giving unfavorable testimony about Jesus, He did not respond and remained silent (Matthew 26:62-63).  Why did Jesus not defend Himself?  Why did Jesus not explain that the temple He was referring to was not the actual building of the Jerusalem temple, but His own body?  Why did Jesus keep silent?  The answer is found in Isaiah 53:7 (Korean Modern Bible): “He was oppressed and afflicted, yet He did not open His mouth; He was led like a lamb to the slaughter, and as a sheep before its shearers is silent, so He did not open His mouth.”  Silence, though it involves not speaking to anyone, is ‘listening to God’ (Henry Nouwen).  Silence is hearing the words of many false testimonies, criticisms, gossip, and misunderstandings of God's word, but it is also about hearing only the voice of the God we rely on (Ref.: 2 Corinthians 1:9, Korean Modern Bible) and humbly obeying His word with quiet faith.


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