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"자녀를 건강한 아이로 키우려면? 부모 자신부터 감정을 다스려라"

"자녀를 건강한 아이로 키우려면? 부모 자신부터 감정 다스려라   부모의 감정이 무엇보다 자녀의 감정에 큰 영향을 미친다 / 셔터스톡 부모라면 자녀의 감정을 존중하는 것의 중요성에 대해 들어봤을 것이다.  하지만 부모인 당신의 감정은 어떠한가? 임상 사회 복지사이자 심리 치료사인 힐러리 제이콥스 헨델과 심리학자이자 양육 교육자인 줄리 프라가 박사는 신간, 『부모도 감정이 있다(Parents Have Feelings, Too)』에서 통념을 뒤집었다.  즉, 정서적으로 건강한 아이를 양육할 수 있도록 하기 위해선 먼저 부모 자신의 감정을 다스릴 줄 알아야 한다는 것이 핵심 메시지다. 이들이 부모들에게 어떤 조언을 했는지 CNN과 함께 알아본다.  부모에게 가장 중요한 감정, '분노' 헨델은 부모가 다뤄야 할 6가지 핵심 감정으로  ▲분노 ▲슬픔 ▲두려움 ▲혐오 ▲기쁨 ▲흥분을 꼽았다. 그러면서 ‘분노’를 가장 중요한 핵심 감정으로 보았다.  그녀는 “분노는 파괴적인 잠재력을 가지고 있기 때문에 사람들을 곤경에 빠뜨리는 감정이며, 그래서 우리는 대개 그것을 묻어버린다. 그런데 이때 분노는 안으로 폭발하여 우울, 죄책감, 불안, 수치심으로 나타날 수 있다. 혹은 밖으로 폭발하여 공격성으로 표출될 수 있다.”고 설명했다.  중요한 것은 분노를 ‘행동’으로 옮기지 않고 ‘경험’하는 방법을 배우는 것이다.  이는 분노에 이름을 붙이고, 신체에서 어떻게 느껴지는지 알아차리고, 그 순간의 충동이 무엇인지를 인식하며, 궁극적으로는 그 에너지를 방출하는 것을 포함하는 내면의 과정이다.  이에 더해 헨델은 분노를 두 개의 분리된 단계로 이해할 필요성을 말했다. 분노를 경험하는 내적인 과정과 스스로와 가족에게 건설적인 방식으로 분노를 표현하는 외적인 과정이 그것이다.  한편, 프라가 박사는 엄마와 달리, 아빠들의 경우 ‘분노’라는 감정처리에 더욱 익숙하지 않다고 지적했다.  하지만 아빠들...

Jesus is still saying to the hypocrites today, “You have let go of the commands of God and are holding on to human traditions.” “You have rejected the commands of God in order to keep your traditions.”

Jesus is still saying to the hypocrites today, “You have let go of the commands of God and are holding on to human traditions.” “You have rejected the commands of God in order to keep your traditions.”

 

 

When the Pharisees and some teachers of the law who had come from Jerusalem saw that some of Jesus' disciples were eating with unwashed hands, they asked Jesus, "Why do your disciples break the tradition of the elders?  They don't wash their hands before they eat."  The "tradition of the elders" they referred to included the practice of not eating without first washing hands and also cleansing themselves after coming from the marketplace before eating.  Additionally, there were many other things to observe, such as washing cups, pitchers, and metal bowls.  However, Jesus answered them, saying, "Isaiah was right when he prophesied about you hypocrites: 'These people honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me.  They worship me in vain; their teachings are but rules taught by men.'  You have let go of the commands of God and are holding on to the traditions of men ... You have a fine way of setting aside the commands of God in order to observe your own traditions.  For Moses said, 'Honor your father and mother,' and 'Anyone who kidnaps another and sells him must be put to death.'  But you say that if a man says to his father or mother, 'Whatever help you might otherwise have received from me is Corban' (that is, a gift devoted to God), then you no longer let him do anything for his father or mother.  Thus, you nullify the word of God by your tradition that you have handed down.  And you do many things like that" (Mark 7:1-13, Korean Modern Bible).  When reflecting on this passage, I have a few thoughts:

 

(1)    There were at least two reasons why crowds gathered around Jesus: (a) When Jesus took pity on a man with leprosy and healed him, the man went out and spread the news, causing people to continue gathering around Jesus from all over (Mark 1:40-45).  (b) Jesus said to the crowds, "I tell you the truth, you are looking for me, not because you saw miraculous signs, but because you ate the loaves and had your fill" (John 6:26).  However, the Pharisees and teachers of the law gathered around Jesus for different reasons.  They did so to observe whether Jesus was breaking the law (Luke 14:1; see also Mark 2:16), to see if he was violating traditions (Mark 7:5; Luke 5:33), to find evidence to accuse him for healing on the Sabbath (Luke 6:7), to test him (Matthew 16:1, 19:3; Mark 8:11, 10:2), to trap him with his words (Mark 12:13), or to attempt to entangle him in his speech (Matthew 22:15).  So, why do we gather around Jesus?  Isn’t it because He has the words of eternal life? (Ref.: John 6:68).  We should listen carefully and understand the words of eternal life that Jesus speaks to us (Ref.: Matthew 15:10; Mark 7:14).

 

(2)    The Pharisees and Jews originally followed the traditions passed down from their ancestors, where they would not eat without first washing their hands, and when returning from the marketplace, they would not eat without first cleansing themselves.  They also had many other practices to follow, such as washing cups, pitchers, and bronze vessels (Mark 7:3-4).  In response to this, Jesus said, “You hypocrites …,” “These people honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me,” “They worship me in vain,” and “You have let go of the commands of God and are holding on to human traditions” (vv. 6-9, Korean Modern Bible).  To put it in modern terms, those who forsake God's commandments in order to uphold church traditions are seen by the Lord as hypocrites.  If they honor the Lord with their lips but their hearts are far from Him, they are merely worshiping in vain.  These hypocrites may appear clean on the outside, but their hearts are full of greed and indulgence (Matthew 23:25).  They are like whitewashed tombs—beautiful on the outside, but inside full of dead men’s bones and everything unclean (v. 27).  Thus, the vain worship offered by such hypocrites is viewed by God in this way: "What is the use of your many sacrifices to me?  I have had enough of burnt offerings of rams and the fat of fattened animals; I have no pleasure in the blood of bulls, lambs, and goats.  When you come to appear before me, who has asked this of you, this trampling of my courts?  Stop bringing meaningless offerings!  Your incense is detestable to me.  New Moons, Sabbaths, and convocations—I cannot bear your evil assemblies.  Your New Moon feasts and your appointed festivals I hate with all my being.  They have become a burden to me; I am weary of bearing them.  When you spread out your hands in prayer, I will hide my eyes from you; even if you offer many prayers, I will not listen" (Isaiah 1:11-15).  For these hypocrites, misfortune will inevitably come upon them (vv. 13, 15, 23, 25, 27, 29).

 

(3)    Jesus is still saying to the hypocrites today, “You have let go of the commands of God and held up human traditions” and “You have rejected the commands of God in order to keep your traditions” (Mark 7:8-9, Korean Modern Bible).  When our pastors do not take care of their wives and children (family) according to the church’s tradition(?) and serve the Lord’s church devotedly even at the expense of them, they are making God’s word void (v. 13) and rejecting God’s commands (v. 9).  They “have denied the faith and are worse than unbelievers” (1 Timothy 5:8, Korean Modern Bible).


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