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"자녀를 건강한 아이로 키우려면? 부모 자신부터 감정을 다스려라"

"자녀를 건강한 아이로 키우려면? 부모 자신부터 감정 다스려라   부모의 감정이 무엇보다 자녀의 감정에 큰 영향을 미친다 / 셔터스톡 부모라면 자녀의 감정을 존중하는 것의 중요성에 대해 들어봤을 것이다.  하지만 부모인 당신의 감정은 어떠한가? 임상 사회 복지사이자 심리 치료사인 힐러리 제이콥스 헨델과 심리학자이자 양육 교육자인 줄리 프라가 박사는 신간, 『부모도 감정이 있다(Parents Have Feelings, Too)』에서 통념을 뒤집었다.  즉, 정서적으로 건강한 아이를 양육할 수 있도록 하기 위해선 먼저 부모 자신의 감정을 다스릴 줄 알아야 한다는 것이 핵심 메시지다. 이들이 부모들에게 어떤 조언을 했는지 CNN과 함께 알아본다.  부모에게 가장 중요한 감정, '분노' 헨델은 부모가 다뤄야 할 6가지 핵심 감정으로  ▲분노 ▲슬픔 ▲두려움 ▲혐오 ▲기쁨 ▲흥분을 꼽았다. 그러면서 ‘분노’를 가장 중요한 핵심 감정으로 보았다.  그녀는 “분노는 파괴적인 잠재력을 가지고 있기 때문에 사람들을 곤경에 빠뜨리는 감정이며, 그래서 우리는 대개 그것을 묻어버린다. 그런데 이때 분노는 안으로 폭발하여 우울, 죄책감, 불안, 수치심으로 나타날 수 있다. 혹은 밖으로 폭발하여 공격성으로 표출될 수 있다.”고 설명했다.  중요한 것은 분노를 ‘행동’으로 옮기지 않고 ‘경험’하는 방법을 배우는 것이다.  이는 분노에 이름을 붙이고, 신체에서 어떻게 느껴지는지 알아차리고, 그 순간의 충동이 무엇인지를 인식하며, 궁극적으로는 그 에너지를 방출하는 것을 포함하는 내면의 과정이다.  이에 더해 헨델은 분노를 두 개의 분리된 단계로 이해할 필요성을 말했다. 분노를 경험하는 내적인 과정과 스스로와 가족에게 건설적인 방식으로 분노를 표현하는 외적인 과정이 그것이다.  한편, 프라가 박사는 엄마와 달리, 아빠들의 경우 ‘분노’라는 감정처리에 더욱 익숙하지 않다고 지적했다.  하지만 아빠들...

We must faithfully carry out our ministry, holding on to the hope of the Lord's return, loving our neighbors as ourselves according to His commandments, focusing on the Lord's death, and proclaiming the atoning death of Jesus Christ in faith.  

We must faithfully carry out our ministry, holding on to the hope of the Lord's return, loving our neighbors as ourselves according to His commandments, focusing on the Lord's death, and proclaiming the atoning death of Jesus Christ in faith.

 

 

One day, when the disciples of John the Baptist and the Pharisees were fasting, people came to Jesus and asked, "John's disciples and the Pharisees' disciples fast, but why do your disciples not fast?"  Jesus answered them, "Can the friends of the bridegroom fast while the bridegroom is with them?  As long as they have the bridegroom with them, they cannot fast.  But the days will come when the bridegroom will be taken away from them, and then they will fast" (Mark 2:18-20, Korean Modern Bible).  As I read the commentary by Chokmah on this passage, I had several thoughts:

 

(1)    The reason why the disciples of John the Baptist fasted was because their teacher, John, was in prison and because they sought true piety, asceticism, and a life of self-discipline.  On the other hand, the Pharisees fasted as an external sign of their piety and devotion, only for the sake of formalism.  Although the reasons for fasting were different between these two groups, the common factor was that they both believed that fasting was a way to show true piety.  James 1:26-27 (Korean Modern Bible) says: "If anyone thinks he is religious and does not bridle his tongue but deceives his heart, this one's religion is worthless.  Pure and undefiled religion before God the Father is this: to visit orphans and widows in their trouble, and to keep oneself unspotted from the world."

 

(2)    "Fasting, as a sign of self-control and sorrow (1 Samuel 31:13; 2 Samuel 12:11-23; Luke 5:35), is inappropriate when one is with Jesus.  Jewish weddings, in particular, were very joyous events.  Guests would sometimes participate in a celebration that could last a whole week.  Fasting during such a joyful feast was unthinkable.  Only on that day, when the joy of humans reaches its peak, do we see that even the law provides exemptions from various duties surrounding the wedding ceremony (Deuteronomy 20:7).  "Therefore, Jesus said, ‘Can the friends of the bridegroom fast while the bridegroom is with them?’  As long as they have the bridegroom with them, they cannot fast" (Mark 2:19, Korean Modern Bible).  Here, Jesus describes Himself as the "bridegroom," and the "friends of the bridegroom" who are "with the bridegroom" refer to Jesus' disciples and to all the redeemed saints, like you and me, who are already experiencing a foretaste of the joy of the heavenly wedding feast. Jesus, the bridegroom, will "present the church to Himself as a glorious church" (Ephesians 5:27, Korean Modern Bible).  Moreover, the Lord will invite us to the "marriage supper of the Lamb" (Revelation 19:9, Korean Modern Bible).  As the bride of Christ, the church, we are already experiencing the joy of this heavenly wedding banquet.  Therefore, we must always rejoice, as commanded by God (1 Thessalonians 5:16).  However, at the same time, in this fleeting world, which is "full of toil and trouble" (Psalms 90:10), there are times when we must fast and pray to God over various issues (Ref.: Ezra 8:23, Korean Modern Bible).  Furthermore, according to God's Word, we are called to "even now fast, weep, mourn, and truly repent and return to the Lord" (Joel 2:12, Korean Modern Bible).  Could it be that the Lord is saying this to us?  "The fast that I choose is to loose the chains of injustice, untie the cords of the yoke, and set the oppressed free" (Isaiah 58:6, Korean Modern Bible).  "When you fast, do not look somber as the hypocrites do, for they disfigure their faces to show men they are fasting.  I tell you the truth, they have received their reward in full" (Matthew 6:16, Korean Modern Bible).

 

(3)    Jesus said, "The day will come when the bridegroom will be taken away.  At that time, they will fast" (Mark 2:20, Korean Modern Bible).  The Greek word for "taken away" here means "to take away violently" or "to remove," evoking the image of a painful, tearing separation.  "... This indicates a forced removal that causes sorrow. Jesus, from the beginning of His ministry, was confronted with His death.  The lives of His disciples were formed around this Jesus.  Truly, the three years of Jesus' public ministry were the reason for the joy His disciples experienced.  And His death becomes the reason why His disciples must fast. In any case, the focus of Jesus' ministry, centered on His death, breathes new truth and life into all dead religions and souls."  I was reminded of 1 Corinthians 11:26, which we read during yesterday's communion service: "For whenever you eat this bread and drink this cup, you proclaim the Lord's death until He comes."  Jesus focused on His death during His three years of ministry, and the Apostle Paul instructed that every time we celebrate communion, we should proclaim the Lord's death until His return.  This teaches us that while living on this earth, we must live with the hope of the Lord's return, loving our neighbors as ourselves according to His commandments, and focusing on the death of the Lord, faithfully proclaiming the redemptive death of Jesus Christ in faith while carrying out our ministry.


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