"자녀를 건강한 아이로 키우려면? 부모 자신부터 감정 다스려라 부모의 감정이 무엇보다 자녀의 감정에 큰 영향을 미친다 / 셔터스톡 부모라면 자녀의 감정을 존중하는 것의 중요성에 대해 들어봤을 것이다. 하지만 부모인 당신의 감정은 어떠한가? 임상 사회 복지사이자 심리 치료사인 힐러리 제이콥스 헨델과 심리학자이자 양육 교육자인 줄리 프라가 박사는 신간, 『부모도 감정이 있다(Parents Have Feelings, Too)』에서 통념을 뒤집었다. 즉, 정서적으로 건강한 아이를 양육할 수 있도록 하기 위해선 먼저 부모 자신의 감정을 다스릴 줄 알아야 한다는 것이 핵심 메시지다. 이들이 부모들에게 어떤 조언을 했는지 CNN과 함께 알아본다. 부모에게 가장 중요한 감정, '분노' 헨델은 부모가 다뤄야 할 6가지 핵심 감정으로 ▲분노 ▲슬픔 ▲두려움 ▲혐오 ▲기쁨 ▲흥분을 꼽았다. 그러면서 ‘분노’를 가장 중요한 핵심 감정으로 보았다. 그녀는 “분노는 파괴적인 잠재력을 가지고 있기 때문에 사람들을 곤경에 빠뜨리는 감정이며, 그래서 우리는 대개 그것을 묻어버린다. 그런데 이때 분노는 안으로 폭발하여 우울, 죄책감, 불안, 수치심으로 나타날 수 있다. 혹은 밖으로 폭발하여 공격성으로 표출될 수 있다.”고 설명했다. 중요한 것은 분노를 ‘행동’으로 옮기지 않고 ‘경험’하는 방법을 배우는 것이다. 이는 분노에 이름을 붙이고, 신체에서 어떻게 느껴지는지 알아차리고, 그 순간의 충동이 무엇인지를 인식하며, 궁극적으로는 그 에너지를 방출하는 것을 포함하는 내면의 과정이다. 이에 더해 헨델은 분노를 두 개의 분리된 단계로 이해할 필요성을 말했다. 분노를 경험하는 내적인 과정과 스스로와 가족에게 건설적인 방식으로 분노를 표현하는 외적인 과정이 그것이다. 한편, 프라가 박사는 엄마와 달리, 아빠들의 경우 ‘분노’라는 감정처리에 더욱 익숙하지 않다고 지적했다. 하지만 아빠들...
We must live with this assurance of resurrection
and pursue heavenly
things.
The
chief priests and the Pharisees gathered together and went to Pilate, the
governor, saying, "Sir, we remember that while He was still alive, that
deceiver said, 'After three days I will rise again.' Therefore, command that the tomb be made
secure until the third day, lest His disciples come by night and steal Him
away, and say to the people, 'He has risen from the dead.' So, the last deception will be worse than the
first." Pilate said to them, "You have a guard of soldiers; go your
way, make it as secure as you can." So, they went and made the tomb secure,
sealing the stone and setting the guard to watch over it (Matthew 27:62-66). As I reflect on this passage, several
thoughts come to mind:
(1) When the chief priests and the Pharisees
referred to Jesus as "that liar" (Matthew 27:63, Korean Modern Bible),
I reflect on the fact that their father, the devil, is the father of lies and
has no truth in him, as John 8:44 (Korean Modern Bible) reveals. This shows that the chief priests and
Pharisees themselves were the true liars, for they had no truth in them and
could not stand with the truth. Therefore,
they called Jesus a liar despite His innocence (Ref.: Job 34:6, Korean Modern Bible).
They claimed to know God, yet did not
obey His commandments, making them liars and devoid of truth (Ref.: 1 John 2:4,
Korean Modern Bible). Concerning such
people, 1 John 5:10 (Korean Modern Bible) says: "... Whoever does not
believe God has made Him a liar, because he has not believed the testimony God
has given about His Son." These
liars will perish (Ref.: Proverbs 19:9). They will be thrown into the lake of burning
sulfur (Ref.: Revelation 21:8).
(2) As I meditate on the words of the chief priests
and the Pharisees who came to Governor Pilate and said, “Your Excellency, we
remember that when that liar was alive, he said that he would rise again after
three days” (Matthew 27:63, Korean Modern Bible), it seems that they had heard
from the Old Testament scriptures that "the Christ would suffer, die, and
rise again on the third day" (Luke 24:46, Koran Modern Bible). However, since they did not believe Jesus was
the Christ, when Jesus said, “Destroy this temple, and I will raise it again in
three days” (John 2:19, Korean Modern Bible), He was referring to His body as
the temple (John 2:21). They also did
not believe when He said, “The Son of Man must suffer many things and be
rejected by the elders, the chief priests, and the teachers of the law, and he
must be killed and on the third day be raised to life” (Luke 9:22, Korean Modern
Bible). Despite their disbelief, they
feared that Jesus' disciples might steal His body and tell people that He had
risen from the dead, which led them to ask Pilate, “So give the order for the
tomb to be made secure until the third day” (Matthew 27:64, Korean Modern Bible).
It seems that in their unbelief, they
were anxious that Jesus' disciples might artificially prove His resurrection as
a greater deception. Reflecting on the
anxiety of the religious leaders at the time of Jesus, I began to wonder why,
even in our faith, we sometimes experience anxiety about the death and
resurrection of Jesus Christ. Like
David, the psalmist, we need to pray to God, declaring to our souls: "Why,
my soul, are you downcast? Why so
disturbed within me? Put your hope in
God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God" (Psalms 42:5, 11;
43:5, Korean Modern Bible).
(3) As I reflect on the words where Governor Pilate
tells the chief priests and Pharisees, "You have a guard. Go, make the
tomb as secure as you know how" (Matthew 27:65-66, Korean Modern Bible),
we know that their efforts were in vain. The reason for this is that Jesus had already
told His disciples during His earthly ministry, “I will be handed over to the
Gentiles to be mocked, flogged, and crucified. But on the third day, I will rise again”
(Matthew 20:19, Korean Modern Bible) [Ref.: "From that time on Jesus began
to explain to His disciples that He must go to Jerusalem and suffer many things
at the hands of the elders, the chief priests, and the teachers of the law, and
that He must be killed and on the third day be raised to life" (Matthew
16:21, Korean Modern Bible); "He then began to teach them that the Son of
Man must suffer many things and be rejected by the elders, the chief priests,
and the teachers of the law, and that He must be killed and after three days
rise again" (Mark 8:31, Korean Modern Bible); "The Son of Man will be
handed over to the Gentiles. They will mock Him, spit on Him, flog Him and kill
Him. On the third day He will rise again" (Mark 10:34, Korean Modern Bible);
"And He said, 'The Son of Man must suffer many things and be rejected by
the elders, the chief priests, and the teachers of the law, and He must be
killed and on the third day be raised to life'" (Luke 9:22, Korean Modern Bible);
"After they have flogged Him, they will kill Him, and on the third day He
will rise again" (Luke 18:33, Korean Modern Bible); "Didn’t I tell
you that the Son of Man must be delivered into the hands of sinners, be
crucified, and on the third day rise again?" (Luke 24:7, Korean Modern Bible)]. Just as He had said, Jesus was buried in the
tomb, and on the third day, He rose again (1 Corinthians 15:4, Korean Modern
Bible). The hymn "Low in the Grave
He Lay" comes to mind: (Verse 1) Low in the grave He lay Jesus my Saviour! Waiting the coming day Jesus my Lord! Up from the grave He arose, With a mighty triumph
o'er His foes; (Verse 2) Vainly they watch His bed Jesus my Saviour! Vainly they seal the dead Jesus my Lord! Up from the grave He arose, With a mighty triumph
o'er His foes; (Verse 3) Death cannot keep his prey Jesus my Saviour! He tore the bars away Je-sus my Lord! Up from the grave He arose, With a mighty triumph
o'er His foes; (Chorus) He arose a Victor from the dark domain, And He lives
forever with His saints to reign. He arose!
He arose! Hallelujah! Christ arose!
The God who raised Jesus from the dead (Acts 10:40) will also raise us
(1 Corinthians 6:14). "We know that
the God who raised the Lord Jesus will also raise us with Jesus and present us
with you to Himself" (2 Corinthians 4:14, Korean Modern Bible). Therefore, we should live with the assurance
of this resurrection, seeking heavenly things (Ref.: Colossians 3:1).
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