"자녀를 건강한 아이로 키우려면? 부모 자신부터 감정 다스려라 부모의 감정이 무엇보다 자녀의 감정에 큰 영향을 미친다 / 셔터스톡 부모라면 자녀의 감정을 존중하는 것의 중요성에 대해 들어봤을 것이다. 하지만 부모인 당신의 감정은 어떠한가? 임상 사회 복지사이자 심리 치료사인 힐러리 제이콥스 헨델과 심리학자이자 양육 교육자인 줄리 프라가 박사는 신간, 『부모도 감정이 있다(Parents Have Feelings, Too)』에서 통념을 뒤집었다. 즉, 정서적으로 건강한 아이를 양육할 수 있도록 하기 위해선 먼저 부모 자신의 감정을 다스릴 줄 알아야 한다는 것이 핵심 메시지다. 이들이 부모들에게 어떤 조언을 했는지 CNN과 함께 알아본다. 부모에게 가장 중요한 감정, '분노' 헨델은 부모가 다뤄야 할 6가지 핵심 감정으로 ▲분노 ▲슬픔 ▲두려움 ▲혐오 ▲기쁨 ▲흥분을 꼽았다. 그러면서 ‘분노’를 가장 중요한 핵심 감정으로 보았다. 그녀는 “분노는 파괴적인 잠재력을 가지고 있기 때문에 사람들을 곤경에 빠뜨리는 감정이며, 그래서 우리는 대개 그것을 묻어버린다. 그런데 이때 분노는 안으로 폭발하여 우울, 죄책감, 불안, 수치심으로 나타날 수 있다. 혹은 밖으로 폭발하여 공격성으로 표출될 수 있다.”고 설명했다. 중요한 것은 분노를 ‘행동’으로 옮기지 않고 ‘경험’하는 방법을 배우는 것이다. 이는 분노에 이름을 붙이고, 신체에서 어떻게 느껴지는지 알아차리고, 그 순간의 충동이 무엇인지를 인식하며, 궁극적으로는 그 에너지를 방출하는 것을 포함하는 내면의 과정이다. 이에 더해 헨델은 분노를 두 개의 분리된 단계로 이해할 필요성을 말했다. 분노를 경험하는 내적인 과정과 스스로와 가족에게 건설적인 방식으로 분노를 표현하는 외적인 과정이 그것이다. 한편, 프라가 박사는 엄마와 달리, 아빠들의 경우 ‘분노’라는 감정처리에 더욱 익숙하지 않다고 지적했다. 하지만 아빠들...
God who gives us
abundantly beyond all that we ask or imagine
Jesus
not only healed a deaf and mute man (Mark 7:32-37), but also people brought to
Jesus the lame, the crippled, the blind, the mute, and many other sick people,
and laid them at His feet, and He healed them all (Matthew 15:30). "The mute spoke, the lame walked, the
crippled stood up, and the blind saw, and the people were amazed and praised
the God of Israel" (v. 31, Korean Modern Bible). "At that time, another large crowd
gathered, but since they had nothing to eat, Jesus called His disciples and
said to them" (Mark 8:1, Korean Modern Bible): "These people have
been with me for three days, and they have nothing to eat. I feel sorry for
them. Some of them have come a long way,
and if I send them away hungry, they will collapse on the way" (vv. 2-3, Korean
Modern Bible) (In Matthew 15:32, Korean Modern Bible, Jesus added, "I do
not want to send them away hungry"). Then, the disciples replied, "Where in
this wilderness can we get enough bread to feed such a large crowd?" And Jesus asked them, "How many loaves do
you have?" (Mark 8:4-5). They
answered, "Seven loaves and a few small fish" (Matthew 15:34). Jesus then instructed the crowd to sit down on
the ground, took the seven loaves and the fish, gave thanks [“after giving
thanks” (Korean Modern Bible)], broke them, and gave them to His disciples to
distribute to the people. They all ate
and were satisfied, and the leftover pieces were gathered in seven baskets. The number of those who ate, besides women and
children, was four thousand (vv. 36-38). As I reflect on these verses, several thoughts
come to mind:
(1) Another large crowd that had gathered around
Jesus had been with Him for three days without food, and Jesus felt compassion
for them (Mark 8:1-2, Korean Modern Bible) [Note: The story of the “feeding of
the 5,000” with two fish and five loaves does not contain this detail]. The fact that the crowd had been without food
for three days indicates that not only they, but also Jesus and His disciples,
had not eaten anything for three days. Saul
(Paul), who encountered Jesus on the road to Damascus, also did not eat or
drink for three days (Acts 9:9) [The mention of “three days” made me think of
the verse, “Just as Jonah was three days and three nights in the belly of the
great fish, so the Son of Man will be three days and three nights in the heart
of the earth” (Matthew 12:40, Korean Modern Bible), and how Jesus spoke to His
disciples about being handed over to men to be killed and rising again after
three days (Mark 9:31)]. Jesus said that
if He sent the “people who had come from a long way” away hungry, they would
collapse on the road (Mark 8:3). In this
way, Jesus had compassion for those who had been hungry for three days. The Lord has compassion on the poor and needy,
and He saves the lives of the destitute (Psalms 72:13).
(2) Apart from women and children, there were about
4,000 men (Matthew 15:38). How could
Jesus have fed such a large crowd of people if He did not provide food for them
before sending them home? (Mark 8:4). During
the Exodus, the Israelites said they were all going to starve to death in the
wilderness (Exodus 16:3). At that time,
God told Moses, "I will rain down bread from heaven for you" (Exodus
16:4, Korean Modern Bible), and He provided "manna" (Exodus 16:31),
which the Israelites did not know (Deuteronomy 8:3), to feed them for 40 years.
The purpose was "so that you may
know that man does not live on bread alone but on every word that comes from
the mouth of the Lord" (Deuteronomy 8:3). Physical hunger and poverty are good
opportunities for us to learn that we live by every word of God!
(3) When Jesus asked His disciples, "How many
loaves do you have?" (Mark 8:5), they replied, "Seven loaves and a
few small fish" (Matthew 15:34). In
the miracle of the feeding of the 5,000, Peter’s brother Andrew brought five
barley loaves and two fish and asked, "How can we feed so many
people?" (John 6:9, Korean Modern Bible), but in the miracle of the
feeding of the 4,000, the disciples did not say anything. I find their silence quite interesting. They could have asked Jesus something, just as
they did during the feeding of the 5,000, but they didn’t ask any questions or
make any comments. Perhaps the reason
for their silence was that they had already witnessed the miracle of the
feeding of the 5,000. Maybe they simply
told Jesus about the seven loaves and two fish, and after seeing Jesus perform
a miracle with just five loaves and two fish to feed about 5,000 men, they were
waiting and expecting to see how He would feed the large crowd with what they
had now. Even when situations seem
impossible, when we may be tempted to ask God all kinds of questions, I believe
that we need to trust and rely on the Almighty Lord, and watch in faith as He
makes the impossible possible, even in the silence.
(4) Jesus commanded the large crowd to sit on the
ground, and then, taking seven loaves of bread, He gave thanks, broke them, and
gave them to His disciples to distribute, and He did the same with a few small
fish (Mark 8:6-7). Even when we feel
that what we have is very little and insufficient compared to the situation, we
must follow Jesus’ example and offer our thanksgiving prayers to God with
faith. Before raising Lazarus from the
dead, Jesus looked up to heaven and prayed, "Father, I thank You that You
have heard Me" (John 11:41). When
He did this, God raised the dead Lazarus (v. 44). God's amazing work happens when we, with
faith, look up to heaven and offer thanksgiving prayers. I pray that the Lord will accomplish the
miracle of thanksgiving through us.
(5) A large crowd of about 4,000 men were all fed to
satisfaction through Jesus’ miracle of the seven loaves of bread, and there
were seven baskets of leftovers (Mark 8:8, Korean Modern Bible) [In the miracle
of the five loaves and two fish, twelve baskets were left over (John 6:13)]. How much more did they eat, considering the
large crowd had been starving for three days and were fed by Jesus’ miracle of
the seven loaves? Yet, there were still
seven baskets of leftovers, which leads us to confess that our God is "the
God who, by His power at work within us, is able to do far more abundantly than
all that we ask or think" (Ephesians 3:20, Korean Modern Bible).
댓글
댓글 쓰기