"자녀를 건강한 아이로 키우려면? 부모 자신부터 감정 다스려라 부모의 감정이 무엇보다 자녀의 감정에 큰 영향을 미친다 / 셔터스톡 부모라면 자녀의 감정을 존중하는 것의 중요성에 대해 들어봤을 것이다. 하지만 부모인 당신의 감정은 어떠한가? 임상 사회 복지사이자 심리 치료사인 힐러리 제이콥스 헨델과 심리학자이자 양육 교육자인 줄리 프라가 박사는 신간, 『부모도 감정이 있다(Parents Have Feelings, Too)』에서 통념을 뒤집었다. 즉, 정서적으로 건강한 아이를 양육할 수 있도록 하기 위해선 먼저 부모 자신의 감정을 다스릴 줄 알아야 한다는 것이 핵심 메시지다. 이들이 부모들에게 어떤 조언을 했는지 CNN과 함께 알아본다. 부모에게 가장 중요한 감정, '분노' 헨델은 부모가 다뤄야 할 6가지 핵심 감정으로 ▲분노 ▲슬픔 ▲두려움 ▲혐오 ▲기쁨 ▲흥분을 꼽았다. 그러면서 ‘분노’를 가장 중요한 핵심 감정으로 보았다. 그녀는 “분노는 파괴적인 잠재력을 가지고 있기 때문에 사람들을 곤경에 빠뜨리는 감정이며, 그래서 우리는 대개 그것을 묻어버린다. 그런데 이때 분노는 안으로 폭발하여 우울, 죄책감, 불안, 수치심으로 나타날 수 있다. 혹은 밖으로 폭발하여 공격성으로 표출될 수 있다.”고 설명했다. 중요한 것은 분노를 ‘행동’으로 옮기지 않고 ‘경험’하는 방법을 배우는 것이다. 이는 분노에 이름을 붙이고, 신체에서 어떻게 느껴지는지 알아차리고, 그 순간의 충동이 무엇인지를 인식하며, 궁극적으로는 그 에너지를 방출하는 것을 포함하는 내면의 과정이다. 이에 더해 헨델은 분노를 두 개의 분리된 단계로 이해할 필요성을 말했다. 분노를 경험하는 내적인 과정과 스스로와 가족에게 건설적인 방식으로 분노를 표현하는 외적인 과정이 그것이다. 한편, 프라가 박사는 엄마와 달리, 아빠들의 경우 ‘분노’라는 감정처리에 더욱 익숙하지 않다고 지적했다. 하지만 아빠들...
I believe the Lord will turn our 'valley of trouble'
into a 'valley of praise'!
When
Jesus said to the paralytic, "Son, your sins are forgiven," some of
the teachers of the law (the scribes) sitting there thought to themselves,
"Why does this man speak like that? He is blaspheming! Who can forgive sins but God alone?" Immediately, Jesus knew in His spirit what
they were thinking, and He said to them, "Why are you thinking these
things? Which is easier: to say to this
paralytic, 'Your sins are forgiven,' or to say, 'Get up, take your mat and
walk'? But I want you to know that the
Son of Man has authority on earth to forgive sins." So, He said to the paralytic, "I tell
you, get up, take your mat and go home." He got up, took his mat, and walked out in
full view of them all. This amazed
everyone, and they praised God, saying, "We have never seen anything like
this!" (Mark 2:5-12, Korean Modern Bible). As I meditate on this passage, several
thoughts come to mind::
(1) Why were some of the teachers of the law (the
scribes) sitting in the house where Jesus was? (v. 1) Surely they weren't there just to listen to
the words of God that Jesus was preaching? (v. 2) Wisdom (Chokmah) offers this explanation:
"They came with a theological perspective, seeking to catch Jesus in some
fault. So, they positioned themselves
among the crowd, carefully observing every move Jesus made, and their hearts
were like sharp blades, examining every situation and sharing their opinions. When Jesus began speaking about forgiveness of
sins, they thought they had found the perfect opportunity" Chokmah). I believe this is a reasonable interpretation.
Reflecting on this interpretation
personally, I realize that like the scribes, when I listen to another pastor’s
sermon, instead of humbly listening, I tend to look for what might be wrong
with it, trying to catch mistakes. Rather than allowing my heart to be pierced by
God’s word, which is like the sharp sword of the Holy Spirit, my heart seems to
examine the pastor’s words like a sharp blade, trying to find faults. As a pastor, it can be difficult to listen
humbly to God’s word.
(2) From the perspective of those teachers of the
law, Jesus' words to the paralyzed man, "Your sins are forgiven,"
were considered blasphemous (a sin of blasphemy). This is because they believed that only God
could forgive sins, and they did not believe that Jesus Christ was one with God
(John 10:30), meaning they did not believe Jesus was God. Not only these scribes, but also when Jesus
was crucified, the high priest asked Jesus, "I charge you under oath by
the living God: Tell us if you are the Christ, the Son of God?" Jesus replied, "Yes, it is as you say. But I say to all of you, in the future you
will see the Son of Man sitting at the right hand of the Mighty One and coming
on the clouds of heaven." Then the
high priest tore his clothes and said, "He has spoken blasphemy! Why do we need any more witnesses? Look,
now you have heard the blasphemy. What do you think?" They answered, "He is worthy of
death!" (Matthew 26:63-66, Korean Modern Bible). The high priest also believed that Jesus had
committed blasphemy because He acknowledged Himself as the Son of God, the
Christ. Furthermore, those who were
gathered there also shouted that Jesus should be condemned to death because,
from their perspective, Jesus had committed the sin of blasphemy. The reason they shouted was that they did not
believe Jesus was the Son of God, the Christ. Ultimately, their unbelief led them to accuse
the sinless Jesus of being a sinner worthy of death, even though they
themselves were sinners. Unbelief causes
the mind to become busy and full of thoughts, often seeking to find fault with
others, and leads one to condemn the other, even in their heart.
(3) Jesus immediately knew the thoughts of those
teachers of the law and said, "Why are you thinking these things?" This reminded me of Psalms 139:1-4: "O
LORD, you have searched me and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise; you
perceive my thoughts from afar. You
discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways. Before a word is on my tongue you, LORD, know
it completely" (Korean Modern Bible). God, who knows everything about us, thinks of
us in such a way that if we tried to count them, they would outnumber the
grains of sand by the sea (Ref.: vv. 17-18).
(4) Jesus said to those teachers of the law, "I
will show you that I have the privilege to forgive sins on earth." The meaning of this statement is that only God
can forgive sins, and by saying this, Jesus was declaring that He is God. This God, Jesus, also said to us,
"Forgive, and you will be forgiven" (Luke 6:37). We must obey these words of Jesus. It is a
privilege, by Jesus’ love, to "forgive all those who sin against us"
(11:4).
(5) Jesus said to the teachers of the law, "I
will show you that I have the privilege to forgive sins on earth," and
then He spoke to the paralyzed man, saying, "I tell you, get up, take your
mat, and go home." Immediately, he
got up, took his mat, and walked out in full view of them all. Jesus, who
forgave his sins, also healed the paralyzed man's illness. From Jesus’ perspective, forgiving the man's
sins was more urgent than healing his physical ailment. After forgiving his sins, Jesus then healed
his disease. Perhaps the reason for this
is that the cause of the man's illness was his sin. Therefore, Jesus first forgave the sin, the
cause of his illness, and then healed his disease.
(6) The house was so crowded, with no space even to
stretch out a foot (Mark 2:1-2, Korean Modern Bible), yet the paralyzed man
immediately got up, took his mat, and walked out in front of all those people,
as Jesus had commanded. How could those
people not be amazed by this? They were
astonished and praised God, saying, "We have never seen anything like
this!" (v. 12, Korean Modern Bible). Similarly, when Paul and Silas were
imprisoned, they didn’t wait until they were freed by God's miraculous
deliverance to praise God. Instead, while still in prison, they prayed and sang
hymns to God (Acts 16:23-25). When King
Jehoshaphat of Judah was attacked by the Moabites, Ammonites, and some of the
Meunites, after consulting with the people, he organized a choir, dressed them
in holy garments, and placed them at the front of the army to sing, "Give
thanks to the Lord, for His love endures forever!" As a result, when the choir sang praises, God
caused confusion among the invading armies, causing them to fight and destroy
each other. King Jehoshaphat and his people then gathered in the Valley of
Berachah to praise God, and the place was named the "Valley of
Praise" (2 Chronicles 20:1-2, 21, 26, Korean Modern Bible). I believe that the Lord will turn our
"Valley of Achor" (the Valley of Trouble) (Joshua 7:26, Korean Modern
Bible) into a "Valley of Praise"!
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