Concerning extramarital affairs

Concerning extramarital affairs

 

 

              

This morning, after having a conversation with a sister and praying together, I would like to write down my thoughts about extramarital affairs, though I am lacking in wisdom.  Perhaps it may be of some help.

 

First, when I think of "extramarital affair," two people come to mind, particularly two men.  These two men are currently in prison.  One man, despite having a wife and children, is in prison for raping young women.  The other man, believing his wife was unfaithful, killed the man she was allegedly involved with by shooting him, and has been in prison for many years.  The reason I think of these two men is because I have some connection with their wives.  Both women have divorced their husbands and are now raising their children on their own.  In addition to these two, I also think of two other individuals.  One is a woman with four children, whose husband committed extramarital marital, and although she considered divorce, she ultimately stayed with him, as far as I know.  The other woman is, in my opinion, an example among the many women I’ve encountered who had unfaithful husbands.  The reason I think of her this way is that when her husband was unfaithful, she did not agree to his request for a divorce, but instead turned to God, praying and pleading for her husband to repent.  Eventually, he did, and they are now living a healthy marital life together.  I have prayed and talked with her from the beginning of her husband's extramarital affair, and her story is the first one I have seen where God truly brought repentance and restoration to the marriage.  It is truly remarkable.  With a heart longing for the grace of marital restoration, I would like to share my personal thoughts on extramarital affairs.

 

1.      Satan wants to turn our homes into hell.  Therefore, Satan is causing us to hate each other, following the commandments of hell (Genesis 37:5; Deuteronomy 22:13; Matthew 24:10; 1 John 2:9).  In the growing hatred toward our spouse, Satan targets the cracks in our marital relationship (see Nehemiah 4:3, "parats" in Hebrew meaning “to break” due to a “breach” in a wall; 6:1) and causes us to be attracted to another person, leading us to lust after them through the lust of the eyes and the lust of the flesh (1 John 2:16).  Eventually, this leads to extramarital affairs.  Satan's goal is to destroy and ruin our family, preventing it from becoming a heavenly home, and instead turning it into a hellish one.

 

2.      A foolish husband who commits adultery does not love his wife alone (Proverbs 5:15).  To be more specific, he commits adultery because he cannot make his wife happy and does not enjoy being with her (v. 18).  If he truly cherished his wife as lovely and beautiful, was always satisfied with her embrace, and constantly longed for her love (v. 19), he would never give his affection to another woman, embrace someone else's wife, or father children outside of his marriage (vv. 16, 20).

3.      A foolish husband who commits adultery, driven by greed, not only fails to find satisfaction in his wife's embrace (v. 19) but also begins to covet other women beyond what is appropriate.  As a result, he is led by the lust of his eyes and starts to look at women other than his wife.  His ears begin to listen to them.  However, no matter how many women he sees and listens to, his eyes remain unsatisfied (Ecclesiastes 1:8).  Therefore, Satan entices him with lewdness and the lust of the flesh, leading him to sin (2 Peter 2:18).  Satan causes him to covet another woman.  This greed knows no bounds (Isaiah 56:11).  Thus, greed prevents him from finding satisfaction in his wife (Proverbs 5:19) and instead makes him desire his neighbor’s wife (Exodus 20:17).

 

4.      The foolish husband who commits adultery refuses to forgive his wife in his heart (see Colossians 3:13).

 

5.      When a couple fails to fulfill their sexual duties and refuses each other's body, thus not having a normal sexual relationship, the husband is at great risk of getting close to another woman, and the wife to another man.  If they then fail to resist the sexual temptations toward the opposite sex, Satan will tempt them, leading them to eventually commit adultery (1 Corinthians 7:1-5).

 

6.      Marriage counselor M. Gary Newman conducted a research study on 200 men (both those who cheat and those who do not) to understand why men cheat, and here are the findings (Internet): 48% of men reported that they cheat because they do not feel emotional or mental love from their partner (wife/lover).  We often think that the biggest reason men cheat is the lack of physical intimacy with their wives, but only about 8% of men agreed with this.  Men also desire emotional and mental closeness from their wives, such as hearing "Honey, thank you" or "Honey, I love you," rather than physical affection.  However, the difference between men and women is that men often struggle to express these emotions.  77% of men report knowing someone in their circle of friends or acquaintances who has cheated. 40% of men say they meet their affair partners at work.  Most men cheat with women they meet at work, and the reason is that they receive compliments and respect from female colleagues or younger women at the workplace.  In other words, men are drawn to women who acknowledge and recognize them.

 

7.      When we men abandon our wives and become interested in other women, eventually leading to extramarital affairs, we can only experience the consequences of our sinful choices.  The discipline that follows includes loss of honor (Proverbs 5:9), loss of time (v. 9), loss of wealth (v. 10), loss of health (v. 11), and suffering from the pain of conscience (vv. 12-14).

 

8.      To avoid entering into an affair, we must not get close to or seek the company of anyone other than our spouse (Proverbs 5:8), especially those who might try to come between us in our relationship.  We must be very cautious of covetousness (Exodus 20:17).  If we have greed in our hearts, we will not be satisfied with our spouse’s embrace (Proverbs 5:19), but will look toward another person (Ecclesiastes 1:8), think about them, and listen to their words.  We must live with mutual forgiveness (Colossians 3:13).  Just as the Lord forgives us, we must forgive and tolerate our spouses.  If we refuse to forgive and allow grievances to accumulate without resolution, our relationship will deteriorate, and eventually, we will likely turn our attention to someone else.  We must not choose the easier path of ignoring or allowing unresolved problems and conflicts to fester, but instead make a determined effort to resolve them in the Lord.