The existence of a father

The existence of a father

 

 

 

God’s work is fascinating.  This coming Sunday (June 16th) is Father’s Day here in the United States.  So, this Saturday afternoon, I plan to have dinner with my wife, Dillon, probably his fiancée Jessica, and our youngest, Karis, at our home.  However, today (Thursday), I met with two brothers and a sister in Christ for lunch and coffee, and the three of us ended up talking about our fathers.  It was undoubtedly a meeting that God had allowed, in His sovereignty, at the right time.  And after knowing each other for about 37 years, it seems this is the first time we’ve shared such honest thoughts about our fathers.  So, as I reflect, I’d like to think about the lesson or message that the Lord might be giving me through today’s meeting:

 

1.       It was a conversation that made me reflect once again on how important a father’s role is for his children.  So, as the father of my beloved Dillon, Yeri, and Karis, I want to take this opportunity, through the grace of today’s meeting, to reflect once again on how I should love each of them with God’s love and to learn the lessons or messages He is teaching me.

 

2.       One of the small insights the Lord has already given me through my internet ministry is that, from the perspective of daughters, if they have been deeply wounded by their fathers, it can be very difficult for them to meet a man and get married, carrying that hurt with them.  However, today, the sister in Christ I met, although I don’t know what kind of wound she received from her father, shared with me for the first time that the reason she hasn’t married is for preventive reasons.  What I understood from that was that when I met her last year, she told me she had no affection for her father, but today, she specifically explained how much her father’s actions had hurt her, her siblings, and especially her mother.  She said that because of the wounds she received from her father, she was afraid that if she met a man, married, and had children, her children would end up like her, and that was why, in a preventive way, she had decided not to marry. 😢

 

3.       Nevertheless, I asked her, "Have you forgiven your father?"  She replied that she had forgiven him and now makes side dishes for him and serves him, but in her heart, there is bitterness and resentment.  I believe that her forgiveness of her father, who is over 90 years old, is a great grace.  And I am proud of her.  She said that she forgave her father because he is family.  So, I also told her and the brother that "I too had bitterness towards my father, but I have forgiven him," even though my father never asked for my forgiveness.

4.       However, the other brother who was listening to these words did not say that he had forgiven his father (perhaps he couldn’t?).  Instead, he said that it was fortunate that he is now living apart from his father (and his mother is also living apart from his father).  As I reflect on this, I am reminded of some of the honest words that this brother had shared with his father:

 

a.        Have I, perhaps, taught my three children a strict (?) religious life like a Pharisee, showing my own self-righteousness, and am I still showing that now?  And have I perhaps taught them a legalistic religious life?

 

b.       I must have made my children angry at some point—have I asked for their forgiveness?

 

c.        Even if a child is over 50 years old, I don’t think it is right for a father to not trust his child and, under the guise of love, try to control everything, even telling them what to wear.  Therefore, I have learned the lesson that, because I trust God more, I should trust my three children more as well.

 

5.       As I briefly reflect again on the existence of a "father," I ask myself, "What kind of father am I to my three children?"  My earnest wish is that I would become more and more filled with the fruit of the Holy Spirit, which is love, so that I can be used as a channel or instrument of the Lord’s love to love my three children with God’s love.  And even though I am full of flaws, sins, and weaknesses, I pray that the Lord will work through me, sanctifying me through the Holy Spirit, making me more like Jesus.  I pray that when Dillon, Yeri, and Karis remember me after I pass away, they will think of the image of Jesus in me, and that they will feel, "Dad loved me with the love of Jesus."