Chapter 11: Emptying “Grumbling”

Chapter 11:

Emptying “Grumbling”

 

 

 

In the previous chapter, we looked at the life of emptying ourselves of sexual immorality and wrongful desires and turning our love back toward God.  Now, in Chapter 11, we will look at another problem that easily settles into our hearts and onto our lips.  It is a grumbling heart.

 

As we go through life, there are many moments when we grumble.  “Why did this happen to me?”  “Why does that person treat me this way?”  “Why is my family going through such a difficult time?”  “Why is the church like this?”  “Why did God allow this?”  Even when we do not speak these words aloud, we may repeat them countless times in our hearts.  But in the Bible, grumbling is not merely a matter of uttering a few complaints. Grumbling can change the direction of our gaze, cause us to forget God’s grace, and even change the way we look at people and circumstances.  Therefore, emptying ourselves of grumbling does not simply mean refraining from complaining.  It means examining before God and emptying ourselves of the distrust, dissatisfaction, and desire to shift responsibility onto others that lie at the root of grumbling, and then filling that place with faith and gratitude.

 

At the Root of Grumbling Is a Heart That Does Not Trust God

 

When we look at the Israelites’ life in the wilderness, we repeatedly see them grumbling.  They grumbled when there was no water.  They grumbled when there was not enough food.  They grumbled even when they stood before the land of Canaan.  Deuteronomy 1 reveals what lay behind their grumbling. The Israelites grumbled in their tents: “Because the LORD hated us, he brought us out of Egypt to deliver us into the hands of the Amorites to destroy us” (Deut. 1:27).  What an astonishing statement.  God had not brought them out of Egypt because He hated them. He had saved them because He loved them.  But unbelief distorted their thinking.  They interpreted God’s love as hatred.  They interpreted God’s salvation as death.  They interpreted God’s guidance as abandonment.  So Moses clearly identified their problem: “In spite of this, you did not trust in the LORD your God” (Deut. 1:32).  At the deepest root of their grumbling was a heart that did not trust God.  They did not trust God’s goodness.  They did not trust God’s promises.  They did not trust that God was going ahead of them.  As a result, the difficulties before their eyes looked greater than God’s promises.  The same is true of us.  When grumbling rises within us, it is not enough simply to close our mouths and say, “I shouldn’t complain.”  We must first ask ourselves: “Am I trusting God right now?”  “Do I believe in God’s goodness?”  “Am I thinking that God has abandoned me?”  “Do I believe that God is still at work even in circumstances I do not understand?”  Ultimately, emptying ourselves of grumbling means learning to trust God again.

 

Distrust Can Lead to Disobedience, and Disobedience to Dissatisfaction

 

Deuteronomy 1:26 says of the Israelites: “But you were unwilling to go up; you rebelled against the command of the LORD your God.”  God told them to go up into Canaan.  But they did not believe.  Because they did not believe, they did not obey.  And while refusing to obey, they grumbled about the circumstances in which they found themselves.  Here we can see a pattern.  Unbelief gives birth to disobedience, disobedience can lead to dissatisfaction, and dissatisfaction can express itself as grumbling.  Of course, we cannot say that every instance of grumbling always develops in exactly this order.  Our hearts may genuinely hurt because we have suffered injustice or been treated unfairly.  Yet through the example of Israel in Scripture, we can at least ask ourselves: “Is the reason I am grumbling really only because of my circumstances?”  “Is it because things did not go the way I wanted?”  “Is it because I am holding more tightly to my will than to God’s will?”  “Is it because I do not trust that God knows better than I do?”  We must not try merely to correct grumbling lips. We must examine its roots before God.

 

Grumbling Makes the “Egypt” of the Past Look Beautiful

 

In Numbers 20, the Israelites grumbled against Moses because of the hardships of the wilderness.  At first, they complained about their present difficulties.  Then, little by little, they began looking backward.  Finally, they said: “Why did you bring us up out of Egypt to this terrible place?” (Num. 20:5).  Egypt had not been a good place for them.  It was the place where they had lived as slaves.  It was the place where they had suffered hard labor and oppression.  It was the place from which God had delivered them after hearing their cries.  But when life in the wilderness became difficult, Egypt began to look good.  Grumbling can even alter our memories.  Present pain looks enormous, while past pain begins to look small.  The same thing can happen in our lives today.  If our present marriage is difficult, we may think life was better when we were single.  If our present job is difficult, we may think our previous job was much better.  If we are dissatisfied with our present church, we may remember our former church as though it had no problems at all.  When the life of faith becomes difficult, we may even begin to think that life before believing in Jesus was freer and better.  But faith does not return to the Egypt of the past.  Faith remembers where God delivered us from.  And faith looks toward the path on which God will lead us in the future.  Grumbling looks toward Egypt, but faith looks toward God’s promise.

 

Grumbling Makes Us Forget God’s Grace

 

The Israelites crossed the Red Sea.  They saw with their own eyes as God defeated the Egyptian army.  They praised God.  But not long afterward, when they had no water, they began grumbling again.  Exodus 15:24 says: “So the people grumbled against Moses, saying, ‘What are we to drink?’”  In Exodus 16, they grumbled because of food.  In chapter 17, they grumbled again because of water.  They had experienced God’s grace, but whenever a new difficulty came, they forgot His previous grace.  We are the same.  God may have answered countless prayers, yet when one problem arises today, we can forget all His grace.  We may have received so much, yet because of one thing we lack, we can think as though we have received nothing.  Grumbling magnifies what we do not have and minimizes the grace we have already received.  Gratitude does the opposite. It helps us remember the grace we have already received.  Therefore, when grumbling rises within us, we should ask: “What grace of God am I forgetting right now?”  “How has God led me until now?”  “What has He already given me?”  Gratitude does not deny the reality of our problems.  It acknowledges that even in the presence of problems, God is still my God.

 

Grumbling Can Cause Us to Shift Responsibility to Others

 

In Genesis 3, when God questioned Adam after he sinned, Adam answered: “The woman you put here with me—she gave me some fruit from the tree, and I ate it” (Gen. 3:12).  Adam shifted responsibility to the woman.  And if we look more deeply, when he said, “The woman you put here with me,” we can even see him shifting responsibility toward God.  Eve also answered: “The serpent deceived me, and I ate.”  Of course, we should not reduce Genesis 3 merely to a story about grumbling between a husband and wife.  Yet we can clearly see the tendency of sinful human beings to blame someone else rather than acknowledge their own responsibility.  We easily do the same.  “I did it because my spouse did that.”  “I became this way because of my parents.”  “The church made my life difficult.”  “That person started it first.”  “Given my circumstances, I had no choice.”  The other person may indeed have done something wrong.  Their responsibility must be addressed clearly.  But another person’s wrongdoing does not take away responsibility for the sin I committed.  A repentant person first examines himself or herself.  “Lord, what did I do wrong?”  “What do I need to repent of?”  “What do I need to correct?”  Emptying ourselves of grumbling does not mean blaming ourselves for every problem.  It means refusing to escape our own responsibility by blaming someone else.

Grumbling Can Keep Us from Hearing God’s Voice

 

Psalm 106:25 says of the Israelites: “They grumbled in their tents and did not obey the LORD.”  Grumbling and failing to listen to the voice of the LORD appear together.  When grumbling takes hold of us, our own thoughts become too loud.  “Why is this all I have?”  “Why am I the only one suffering?”  “Why is that person like that?”  “Why isn’t God doing anything?”  When our hearts are filled with such thoughts, we have no room left to listen to God’s Word.  Our problems look greater than God’s promises.  What we lack looks greater than God’s grace.  What we want becomes more important than what God has done.  Therefore, when grumbling rises within us, we need to stop before God.  “Lord, what am I grumbling about right now?”  “What am I failing to believe?”  “What am I dissatisfied with?”  “What are You saying to me right now?”  Instead of repeating the voice of grumbling, we need to listen again to God’s Word.

 

When We Bring Our Grumbling to God, It Can Become Prayer

 

Here we need to make a very important distinction.  Emptying ourselves of grumbling does not mean that we must not tell God about our pain and our questions.  The Psalms contain many prayers in which people honestly pour out their pain and frustration before God.  They ask, “Why?”   They weep.  They speak of injustice.  They do not hide their suffering.  Faith does not mean pretending that nothing is wrong.  It does not mean pretending to smile when we are sad.  It does not mean saying, “I have no problems,” when life is difficult.  The difference lies in where we take our hearts.  If we continually spread our grievances among people, they can become gossip and division.  If we repeatedly nurture them in our hearts, they can harden into hatred and grumbling.  But when we bring them to God, they can become prayer: “Lord, I am having such a hard time right now.”  “I do not understand this.”  “My heart hurts because of that person.”  “I am angry too.”  “I do not know why this happened.”  Speak honestly to God.  But do not stop there.  Examine your heart before His Word.  Seek God’s will.  Come to God with your grumbling, but do not return carrying that grumbling unchanged in your heart.

 

Not Every Expression of a Problem Should Be Called “Grumbling”

 

There is another very important truth we must remember when dealing with grumbling.  Not every complaint or raising of a problem is sinful grumbling.  In Acts 6, a real problem arose within the early church.  The widows among the Hellenistic Jews were being overlooked in the daily distribution of food.  So the Hellenistic Jews complained against the Hebraic Jews.  The apostles did not respond by saying, “You are complaining because you lack faith, so be quiet.”  They examined whether there was a real problem.  Then they corrected the ministry structure.  They appointed seven men full of the Holy Spirit and wisdom to oversee the distribution, while the apostles devoted themselves more fully to prayer and the ministry of the Word.  As a result, the Word of God spread, and the number of disciples increased greatly.  The complaint could have become a spark that destroyed the community, but when the leaders examined and corrected the real problem within it, it instead became an opportunity to build a healthier church.  Therefore, we must look in both directions.  The person raising a complaint must examine his or her heart before God, and the person hearing the complaint must also examine his or her own shortcomings before God.  The speaker must not dress every dissatisfaction in the clothing of righteousness.  But the listener must not silence every concern by labeling it “grumbling.”  “Is there a real problem here that needs to be corrected?”  “Am I calling this grumbling simply because I do not want to hear it?”  “What is God showing us through this problem?”  We need to be able to ask such questions.

 

In the Family, Listen to the Heart Behind the Grumbling

 

The family is also one of the places where resentment and grumbling accumulate most easily.

A husband may think: “My wife does not respect me.”  A wife may think: “My husband does not love me.”  Parents may resent their children, and children may resent their parents.  The problem is that when grumbling is repeated, we begin hearing only one another’s wounds rather than one another’s words.  When a spouse expresses dissatisfaction, we may immediately want to argue back: “You’re exactly the same.”  “You did it first.”  “I did nothing wrong.”  But sometimes we need to listen first.  “Why has your heart become so burdened?”  “What have I been missing?”  “What have I done wrong?”  “What do we need to correct before God?”  This does not mean that everything our spouse says is right.  But we need to listen for whether there is real pain behind those words.  And if we have done something wrong, we need to apologize.  A husband must be able to apologize to his wife.  Parents must be able to apologize to their children.  The goal is not to win against words of complaint. The goal is to restore the relationship.  At the same time, we must not expect our spouse or family to meet every need we have.  Ultimate satisfaction comes from God.  Love your family, but do not demand that your family fill the place that only God can fill. 

 

Leaders Should Listen First Rather Than Defend Themselves Against Complaints

 

Complaints can also be heard within the church.  When leaders hear them, their hearts may hurt.  “I have served so hard.”  “Why does no one recognize what I have done?”  “Why are those people not grateful?”  Such thoughts may arise.  But if a leader receives every concern as a personal attack, he or she may fail to hear something that needs to be heard.  When the apostles in Acts 6 heard the complaint, they first examined the problem.  That does not mean every criticism is correct.  Sometimes people may say things that are factually wrong.  There may also be unfair criticism.  Nevertheless, a leader should first ask before God: “Lord, is there something I need to see through these words?”  “Is there something we need to correct?”  “Is there someone I have overlooked?”  And if the leader has been hurt by unfair words, that hurt should be taken to God rather than spread among other members of the church.  We must be careful not to allow a leader’s wound to become the wound of the entire community.  It is not wise to accept every complaint without discernment, but neither is it wise to shut down every complaint automatically.  We must discern before the Word, correct what needs to be corrected, and entrust to God what needs to be entrusted to Him. 

 

We Must Cultivate the Habit of Gratitude Instead of Grumbling

 

Philippians 2:14 says: “Do everything without grumbling or arguing.”  Grumbling becomes a habit when repeated.  At first, it may be a complaint about one thing, but eventually we can become people who complain about everything.  Even when something good happens, we see first what is lacking.  We see people’s weaknesses before their strengths.  We look for something to complain about before something for which to give thanks.  Therefore, if we are to empty ourselves of grumbling, we must intentionally train ourselves in gratitude.  When you wake up in the morning, give thanks: “Thank You for giving me life again today.”  Give thanks in your family: “Thank You for giving me a family with whom I can share life.”  Give thanks in the church: “Though we are not perfect, thank You for giving me a community with whom I can worship.”  Give thanks at work: “Thank You for giving me the opportunity and strength to work today.”  Even in difficulty, confess: “Lord, I do not understand right now, but I believe that You are with me even in this situation.”  Gratitude does not beautify reality falsely.  Nor does it deny pain.  Gratitude is not a confession we make because everything has turned out the way we wanted.  It is a confession of faith that holds on to the truth that God is good even when things do not go the way we want.

 

Become a Worshiper Who Acknowledges God’s Sovereignty Instead of Grumbling

 

Job experienced overwhelming suffering in a single day.  He lost his possessions.  He lost his children.  His grief was real.  Job 1:20 says that he tore his robe and shaved his head.  He did not pretend that he was not hurting.  Yet in the midst of his pain, he fell before God and worshiped.  This is important.

Faith does not mean the absence of sorrow.  It does not mean the absence of questions.  It does not mean understanding every circumstance.  Faith means not letting go of God even in circumstances we do not understand.  We too can pray: “Lord, I do not understand right now. But I trust You.”  “Even when things do not go the way I want, God is good.”  “Even when I do not know every reason, I believe that You know.”  “I will not remain in grumbling; I will worship God.”  A true worshiper is not someone whose every circumstance has unfolded according to his or her will.  A true worshiper is someone who holds on to God’s sovereignty and goodness even when circumstances do not unfold according to his or her will.

 

  

 

Principles and Practical Guidelines

for Emptying “Grumbling”

 

 

How, then, can we empty ourselves of grumbling in everyday life?  Emptying ourselves of grumbling is not completed by a single decision.  Whenever grumbling rises within us, we need the discipline of examining our hearts, bringing them to God, emptying ourselves of distrust and dissatisfaction, and filling that place with faith and gratitude.

 

1.     When Grumbling Rises, Examine Your Own Heart First

 

When something happens that makes us want to grumble, we easily begin by looking for what someone else did wrong.  Instead, first ask: “What am I grumbling about right now?”  “Is it because something I wanted did not happen?”  “Is it because of fear?”  “Is it because of comparison?”  “Is it because I have been hurt?”  “Is it because I am failing to trust God?”  Even if another person has done something wrong, first examine your own heart before God.  If you have done something wrong, acknowledge it.  If there is something to repent of, repent.  A moment of grumbling can become not merely a time to search for someone else’s fault, but a time to examine your own heart before God.

 

2.     Bring Your Grumbling to God Before Spreading It to People

 

When our hearts are hurting, it is natural to want to talk to someone.  Sometimes we need to seek help and counsel from someone trustworthy.  But we must not repeatedly spread our grievances among many people in order to gather people to our side.  Rather than solving the problem, that can spread distrust and division through the community.  Bring it to God first.  Speak honestly to Him.  You may cry.  You may tell Him how frustrated you are.  But also examine your own heart before His Word.  And when necessary, have a conversation aimed at resolving the problem rather than gossiping about it.  Do not spread your grumbling among people. Bring it to God and turn it into prayer.

 

3.     Do Not Romanticize the “Egypt” of the Past; Remember the Grace You Have Received Until Now

When the present is difficult, the past may look better.  But do not allow grumbling to distort your past.  Remember where God delivered you from.  Remember the grace with which He has led you until now.  Remember the prayers He answered.  Remember the times He held you up when life was difficult.  And pray: “Lord, empty me of the desire to return to the Egypt of the past. Help me to look to You, the God who is with me even now, and to trust the path on which You will lead me.”  Grumbling clings to the past, but faith clings to God’s promise.

 

4.     When Raising a Problem, Seek Restoration Rather Than Blame

 

When something is genuinely wrong, there are times when it must be addressed.  This is true in the family, in the church, and in the workplace.  Emptying ourselves of grumbling does not mean that we must silently endure injustice or remain silent about everything.  But when we raise a problem, we need to examine our purpose.  “Am I trying to attack this person, or am I trying to solve the problem?”  “Am I trying to gather people to my side, or am I trying to speak honestly with the person involved?”  “Do I want to tear the other person down, or do I want the relationship and community to become healthy?”  The person listening to the concern should also ask before becoming defensive: “Is there something in these words that I need to hear?”  The speaker should examine his or her own heart, and the listener should examine the actual problem.  When both happen together, a voice of complaint can become an opportunity for repentance and change.

 

5.     Fill the Place of Grumbling with Gratitude and Faith

 

It is not enough merely to empty ourselves of grumbling.  What fills that place matters.  Empty distrust and fill it with faith.  Empty dissatisfaction and fill it with contentment.  Empty blame and fill it with love.  Empty fear and fill it with prayer.  Empty grumbling and fill it with gratitude and praise.  At the end of each day, ask yourself: “What did I grumble about today?”  “Whom did I blame?”  “What was at the root of that grumbling?”  “Did I bring it to God?”  “What do I need to repent of?”  “What can I thank God for today?”  As we repeatedly ask these questions before God, our hearts will gradually change.  But we cannot empty ourselves of grumbling by our own willpower alone.  When pain is deep, when the sense of injustice is great, and when circumstances do not change even after a long period of waiting, our hearts are easily shaken.  That is why we need the help of the Holy Spirit.  The Holy Spirit must shine His light into our hearts and show us the distrust and dissatisfaction at the root of our grumbling.  He must remind us of the grace of God we have forgotten.  He must enable us to hear God’s Word again and sustain us so that we can trust God even in circumstances we cannot understand.  Therefore, we can pray: “Lord, show me the grumbling in my heart.  Do not let me blame people and circumstances while failing to see the distrust and dissatisfaction within my own heart.  Help me honestly acknowledge and repent of what I have done wrong, while also keeping me from taking responsibility for the wrongs of others as though they were mine.  Instead of spreading my pain and disappointment among people, help me bring them first to You.  Help me remember the grace I have forgotten, and do not let me long for the Egypt of the past.  Even in circumstances I do not understand right now, help me trust Your goodness, and fill my heart, emptied of grumbling, with faith, gratitude, and praise.”

 

Emptying ourselves of grumbling does not mean living as though there were no problems.  It does not mean hiding our pain.  It does not mean remaining silent no matter how unjustly we are treated.  Emptying grumbling means bringing our pain and dissatisfaction honestly to God while refusing to allow that pain to harden into distrust and accusation toward God and people.  It means correcting what I need to correct, speaking in love about what needs to be said to another person, and entrusting to God what needs to be entrusted to Him.  Grumbling says: “Why are things not going the way I want?”  But faith confesses:

“Even though I do not understand right now, I will trust God.”  Grumbling makes us look at what we lack.

Gratitude helps us remember the grace we have already received.  Grumbling makes us look back toward the Egypt of the past.  Faith looks toward the path on which God will lead us.  Grumbling looks first for someone else’s responsibility.  Repentance first examines ourselves before God.  Therefore, when grumbling rises in your heart today, do not hide it, and do not spread it among people.  Bring it to God.  Examine your heart before His Word.  Repent of what needs to be repented of.  Correct what needs to be corrected.  Remember what you have to be thankful for.  And trust God again.  Grumbling asks: “Why are things not going the way I want?”  Faith asks: “How can I trust God even in this situation?”  Emptying ourselves of grumbling and filling that place with faith, gratitude, and praise toward God—this is the path of “emptying grumbling” that we must walk every day.